"I'll Make It Worth Your While" - Intermission In Sunshineland

***

I wanted to tell you but forgot on the last email that I am glad you said something about the restraining order business. I have heard that story so many times and each time I told the person I doubted it was true.

This came today from a person (who will remain unnamed, for the sake of her own privacy) who I consider to be a nice GBS fan, a decent person overall. Why put it up here? Why wait till now, given that this particular outright lie has been savoured, encouraged, and repeated over and over, again and again, for the past few years by some of the very least-charming denizens of The Happy-Fix World Of GBSunshineland? Because I suppose there should be at least one time and one place for making it quite clear that I know full well precisely where this lie originated, and that I also know just where the true culpability for the continuance of this lie resides.

Not like any of that is going to change what I do or who I care about, not one whit. Not by a jot or a tittle. You gotta love those jots and those tittles.

Sunshineland  (Michelle Doyle, Kirk Penney, Alan Doyle)

Everything's great in sunshineland
Girls and smiles and tans;
The whole world's happy in sunshineland,
Well they don't understand.
The sun always shines in sunshineland
On every mother and child and man;
The clouds never cover the sunshine band,
Well they don't understand.
We all know that's not true;
Even the sun gets tired too,
In sunshineland.

Everything's fast in sunshineland,
Boys and cars and plans.
They're gonna be the star of sunshineland;
Oh, they don't understand.
We all know that's not true;
Even the sun gets tired too,
In sunshineland.

What's a small-town girl to do?
Living underneath the same sky too.
Seems funny to explain,
I kind of like a little rain.

Everything's perfect in sunshineland,
Girls and smiles and tans.
The sun always shines in sunshineland;
Well they don't understand.
We all know that's not true,
Even the sun gets tired too,
In sunshineland.

And now I think I will go work a bit on some of the Shamrockfest photos. A very happy Easter to those who celebrate the day, and a peaceful Passover to those who observe that tradition...and perhaps just one more That was so frigging wonderful to see Russell Crowe and Alan Doyle on stage together again! from me - for now. More to come later, as always.

Comments

[JoAnn]

Ah the thought of being able to end that last sentence of yours with....."again". Some day, you were right..someday it will be. I did have a nice Easter, and if the snow ever leaves I'll actually start to believe once again that spring has sprung...

[Lynda]

JoAnn, I do believe. I know both Russell and Alan wanted Jacksonville to work out, but inflexible schedules got in the way of that. It was pure serendipity that put them both together in DC on the same evening, with Russell's film shoot for the day wrapping up early enough for him to make it over to ShamrockFest. There will be other days, some planned in advance and some serendipitous, for the two of them to once again be on stage together. Or so I am going to keep hoping. That was quite a hot lead solo Alan played in Folsom, was it not?

I am still trying to adapt to Sudden Spring Syndrome. It's a gorgeous season here in Western Washington - I was just telling Christina that the way people plant flowers together to create a riot of colour when blooming reminds me a great deal of how the houses are painted in downtown St. John's. My daffodils are still blooming, the irises and tulips are coming up, the cherries are moving from bud to bloom and the forsythia is incipient. After all that follows the glory of the thousands of azaleas planted around this area. Now when I see a typical cluster of purple, orange, and pink azaleas, it reminds me of Gower Street.

I suppose I should hush about Spring. I know plenty of people are still shovelling. I still say there is no real "Spring" in St. John's, not in the sense of budding and blooming and new growth. The snow finally melts and there is summer beneath it. And now I am missing being in the one place while still being glad for being in the other. Seems to be my pattern these days.

I want to thank the several people who made thoughtful and considerate comments on this entry; what was said was to the point and I agree with much of it, and the only reason I am not going to put those comments up here is because I really don't want to say much more than I have already said, nor do I want to get involved in a drawn-out discussion about such matters. Sometimes things simply are what they are, and you have to choose either to accept them and stay or reject them and walk away; sometimes discussion does no practical good, even potentially causes harm to those whom you most want to keep safe from harm.

But the concern is deeply appreciated, as well as the advice and even the indignation. It's kind of nice to have friends who give enough of a shit about you to feel indignant about how you are sometimes treated.

There is one point that was brought up that really does merit a public answer, I think. In terms of what possible good can come from ill treatment, I'd suggest that there are few experiences in this life from which we cannot learn some lesson, and sometimes those lessons are the ones we most need to learn.

Perhaps I was exceptionally fortunate growing up, I don't know. All I do know is that up until the past few years, I had never been systematically and determinedly lied about, nor had I ever been judged and found wanting purely on the basis of such lies. All of the rest of my life, when people disliked me or even detested me (and there have certainly been those who have felt this way) it was always based on something I had actually done or some characteristic I actually possessed. Coming into contact with people so willing to believe completely untrue assertions, and so eager to act with coldness and cruelty based on a belief in those lies, has been a completely new experience for me.

And, in some ways, a valuable one, though certainly not something I'd have sought out for any instructional merit. From the start of being around GBS in particular and Newfoundlanders in general, it's been painfully clear that both self-image and culture have been impacted and shaped by the negative perceptions and assumptions of others...the falsely negative perceptions and assumptions of others. The lies.

Newfoundlanders can wind up judged and dismissed - as well as mistreated - based on a particular set of cultural lies (lazy, drunks, stunned, incestuously inbred, brainlessly cheerful, shiftless - all of the usual "culture of defeat" shit). How they go about dealing (or not dealing, as the case may be) with these lies, with the dismissals, and with the mistreatment is at the core of the culture. And it was something I could only see from the perspective of someone to whom nothing similar had ever happened.

To a large degree, I am, of course, still someone who has never experienced what it is like to grow up knowing that others are going to misjudge you and be completely convinced of things about you that are totally untrue, mostly for no other reason than that is what they prefer to believe about you. But I do understand it just a bit better than I used to. And I find it quite intriguing (unpleasant, yes, but still intriguing) how often the person most eagerly embracing a ugly lie about me is the same person who is equally convinced that Alan Doyle is a perpetually cheerful Brainless Clown whose sole purpose and desire in life is to give that lie-embracer her (or his) Happy Fix. Or that GBS is the best little Drunk Newfie Party Band around - Sociable! For that matter, there is the whole (hideous but fascinating) concept of Fandom in general being built on a foundation of reality-rejection and willful dehumanisation...a setting in which lies quite predictably breed like flies.

Does any of this mean that all of the shit that's come from the lying and believing of lies is worth it? Of course not. It just means that there are not many instances in this life where something of value cannot be ascertained even in the midst of such shit.

Now, of course, if I were a Newfoundlander, I most likely would never, ever let on that any of the shitty behaviour bothered me, though I would surely hope that all of those People Who Really Matter were seeing how shat upon I was and how stoically I never let on to all those People Who Do Not Really Matter that the lies bothered me in the slightest. I might even wallow in the mistreatment, trying to encourage and provoke the People Who Do Not Really Matter to treat me even worse, all the more to impress the People Who Really Matter with how well I could endure the shit.

And if I were a Mainland Canadian, I suppose I might keep on publicly clucking with carefully ineffectual distress about how much of a victim I was at the hands of my overwhelmingly more powerful oppressors, hoping that fellow hapless victims and powerful oppressors alike would all be impressed by the magnitude of my own victimhood.

As an American, I know what I am supposed to do: I am supposed to either metaphorically or literally kick the shit out of those who tell and believe lies about me (I tend to suspect this is the Antipodean method as well); if I do not yell and scream and rant, then my fellow Americans will naturally assume that "What's being said about her must not be a lie - otherwise why else wouldn't she be yelling and screaming and ranting about how false it is? It must be true...after all, where there's smoke, there must be fire."

My chief problem is that I have travelled so much and been around so many different points of view that none of these approaches particularly appeals to me. None of them seems an effective path toward what I most want to do: Care about the people who matter to me.

So I think I will instead stake out my tiny little plot of Middle Ground right here and be content with saying what I have said thus far...and then let it go and move on to more important matters.

So I hope those who commented understand why I am going to let this be it on the matter. But the indignation did make me smile. Only a few people in my life have ever gotten indignant on my behalf, and I found it very sweet of you to do so. Thank you very much for that.

[JoAnn]

As I was reading this, hubby came and told me that Russell was on TV. Sure enough he is doing a half our documentary on his beloved South Sydney team. Don't know when it was done, but he looks lovely!! Gotta run and finish watching!

Today is just rain..and that brings those flowers!

JoAnn

[Roger]

You described the reaction from home better than Rex, Danny, Ryan, or Bob could have or would have. We may have to kill you now because you know too much.

My impression of Ontarions (maybe this applies to S. ON only, I haven't been up North) is they react alot more like how you say Amercians do.

Cheers,
Roger

[lynda]

No worries about doing that little edit job, JoAnn. Actually, you can call them "Souths" - not "The Souths," because "Souths" is short for "South Sydney" and no way would you ever say "The South Sydney" - to make it even simpler. If that's the program I think it is, it's a multipart story about the team, so keep an eye out on that same station for the rest of the tale.

I am going to say more about this when I write for real tonight - Alan has a new journal entry and I don't care how much other shit I have still to do, I am writing about that - but yesterday, I went for a lovely spring walk in the sunshine (mixed sunshine/clouds, but that counts as sunshine here this time of year). It was a balmy 45 F. (7 C.) and there were buds and blooms and green grass everywhere.

A few hours later, I looked out of my living room windows and saw...snow. Falling fast and furious and eventually accumulating about 4 inches (10 or so centimeters, for the metric-faithful).

It was all a lark until I saw the heavy wet snow had managed to topple our 25-year-old 8-foot-tall rose bush. Emergency action out in the snow at 2 am may have saved it...God, I sure hope so. I love those roses and losing them would be a hard blow.

The rest of the spring flowers that were in bloom are now crushed. I'm glad I at least got to see it all before it was smothered. We have more of the same coming in tonight and even more tomorrow, which is not at all usual for this time of year. Of course, none of this is as newsworthy as polar bears being sighted on the Great Northern Peninsula.

Strange times in which we live.

I saw that you have read Alan's latest entry, JoAnn. Are you coming to Hugh's Room? I am doubly fortunate, triply so, actually. David and I already had tickets to see the Oysters' Vancouver show, and when Christina wanted to see them too and we realised there were no Eastern Canada shows, we decided she and I would see them in TO at Hugh's, make a nice little ROM/Eaton Centre/favourite TO pub/Hugh's weekend out of it. And now it is a double serving of Oysters with an absolutely wonderful surprise for dessert. For all the times things do not turn out the way we hoped, there are surely those times which turn out so much better.

That reminds me, I should tell David's "GBS Fan Meets Oysterband In England" story again. Out of all the stories I have collected, leave it to him to wind up with one of the very best, with my only role played in it being how I packed his bag.

Roger, hello. I do not think you will have to kill me for telling Insider secrets to Outsiders. Truth be told, most of the Outsiders refuse to believe a bit of it anyway, because it conflicts with how they'd rather see all of you cheery, simple-minded newfies.

Sometimes I am deeply suspicious that I have indeed been so co-opted by the lot of you that I keep saying these things in order to cause even more denial and reality-rejection in those who insist that you be what they want you to be. My very own version of wallowing and encouraging and provoking, Newfoundlandism With An American Spin: Let's see how many times we can get them to hear the truth and still reject it. Then every now and then, on very rare occasions, someone says, "Really? That's what's going on here?" and the self-suspicion lessens. For a short time.

Well, Danny has good reason not to be saying such things, at least not the ones about the home folks, same with Ryan too, unless Ryan is saying them as some way to rag on Danny. I have rarely seen a man more anti-enamoured of another man than Ryan is of Danny. The two of them need to frigging kiss and make up and be on the same side.

Rex surely could say it, if he chose; Rex could say anything he chose to say, albeit perhaps not quickly. One of the more flattering (and equally perturbing) comments I have ever gotten was from the Newfoundlander fellow who told me that I write the way Rex talks.

Bob could certainly say it too, and say it well, but the difficulty is that the point is as double-edged as is that damn revisionist-Guthrie slogan Sean has stuck onto his guitar. Hard to handle such deadly edges without cutting yourself to the bone on them. My vote is for Alan to say it. Alan has less vulnerability to that double edge than most any other Newfoundlander I know.

Southern Ontarians are not yet Offically Americans? How can this be? Oh well, Bush/Cheney have some months left and Harper has God only knows how much longer left...give them time. They'll make it so.

Always good to hear from you, Roger. One of these days, we will be in the same city on the same day and you can buy me that pint I won on the bet about Alan's songwriting.

Back to work for me, but later on tonight I am writing about a favourite writer of mine. And putting up the frigging video link that took me several dozen attempts to get uploaded via dialup. Maybe even a few Shamrockfest photos of a hot lead guitarist too.

[JoAnn]

Even the post that I put up needed editing. Couldn't stand, not can't. Oh well..I'm sure that Stevie will forgive..or his memory will. It was great seeing him one night in Detroit. I might think of the trip to the big TO to see the show..must check the calendar. Do tell the story by the way, do tell!
JoAnn

[ziggy]

Well, Im new to this blog but I feel insulted.I live in Ontario and feel like I have been slapped twice. Im not the type to go into someones space and insult them or thier friends, but I also dont expect to be insulted by a site that I read from. I met you briefly in Atlantic city and even tho I heard the nasty rumour, I chose to ignore it and judge for myself. Call me over sensative but the one thing I cant stand is being judged by a steriotype.

[lynda]

JoAnn, I am sure Stevie will understand. So should Alan, come to think of it...if ever there were a man who should understand song title/lyric mixups, Alan is that man. One time Alan said that his idea of Heaven would be to have some guy right next to him all the time who knew the second verses to all of the songs to which he knows only the first verses. I love that description so much, I think I have repeated it several dozen times.

I saw Stevie in a tiny, smoky little club long ago and far away. He was amazing.

I sure hope your calendar works out for TO next month...don't delay long on deciding though. Hugh's is tiny and Alan's announcement is sure to cause an immediate spike in ticket sales. Let me know if you are coming - I do believe the next pint is on me, and I know just the place.

I should get to the telling of David's Oysterband story tonight, along with saying a word or two or three about Alan's last piece. Last night, things sort of came undone, but I've got a clear desk and time on my hands for writing tonight. And I have video links for Tonight and Bohemian Rhapsody from Shamrockfest.

Hello, again, Ziggy. Want to see if maybe we can work this out, at the very least maybe come to a point where we can agree to disagree?

I'm not really at all sure why you feel like you have been slapped twice here. I'm assuming the "first slap" was in regard to the Foundation Room in AC. Is that right? If so, well, all I can say is my opinion of how the HOB requires artists to socialise with FR members as a part of the gig contract (and I am speaking in general about HOB policy here, not just AC) is that this has always been something that gives me the shudders. Even though it is an accepted part of the music business in many other ways and places too, it's still my opinion that this is the kind of shit that strenghtens and solidifies the fundamental dehumanisation (going in both directions, mind you) that is, again in my opinion, at the foundation of Fandom.

So that kind of shit creeps me out. But so what? It's only my opinion, nothing more than that. It's up to the artists to decide if what they get from a gig is worth what they have to do at the gig, and it's up to the fans to decide how they want to react in response to such scenarios. I won't go near an FR "afterparty," my own choice based on my own principles. Others are free to make a different choice and to have different principles. If my expression of that opinion winds up insulting you because you have a different opinion, then I am not sure what can be done to make that situation any better.

The "second slap" has me quite confused. Do you feel insulted by what Roger said about Southern Ontarians? If so, since what he said is that he thinks Southern Ontarians react the same as Americans do and if that opinion insults you, then couldn't some American get equally insulted because you feel insulted by being compared to Americans? Where in the world does such a series of insulted reactions ever stop?

Or if you feel insulted by my belief that Harper, along with "my own" Bush and Cheney, have next to no respect for Canada's sovereignty and would love to summarily "rectify" that silly little border problem, beginning of course with the major population and financial centre of Southern Ontario, then that's getting insulted by a pretty darn common political belief, Ziggy. You'll wind up feeling slapped silly if that one bothers you too much.

Or does it go all the way back to what I said about how different groups tend to handle being mistreated? That was a generalisation to the max, intentionally so, since I did not single out Ontarians at all, and instead said what I said about all Mainland Canadians. As well as generalising about all Newfoundlanders and all Americans. And then I generalised about myself too, if you happened to notice. The point was, or at least was supposed to be, that no matter how many different ways there are to try to deal with being shat upon, not many of those ways - most definitely including my own - are particularly successful.

So I am not sure why it is you feel twice insulted, Ziggy. All I can say is that I am sorry you feel that way and it was most certainly not my intention. God knows I have no reason to think anything pejorative about you...and I did not even realise I had met you in AC until I saw the email address you included and recognised an OKP screen name.

I only skim the OKP occasionally these days, and even that is usually limited to pertinent threads that contain information about travel or shows. But I do have a soft spot for kids, so I also read that one thread about them, and that is how I recognised your OKP name. You are not someone I have seen pushing other people aside at GBS shows because of how much more "entitled" (or "entittled") you are, or forcing your frightened child up toward band members to get attention for yourself; you are not someone I have seen scouring every corner of the pub after the show or staking out the tour bus with multiple stalkers in constant cell phone contact. You are not someone I have seen at show after show after show doing everything you can to disrupt that show so you can obtain whatever shred of attention you can possibly get, and you are not someone I have seen offering the security/roadie/crew guys money or drugs or blow jobs in order to be allowed to intrude into the "inside" of backstage. Considering what a longtime GBS fan you are, it's impressive that I haven't seen you doing any of this kind of shit anywhere over the course of the past six years.

And, as far as I know, you are not someone who has taken pleasure in believing and spreading an outright, slanderous lie about me. And it is an outright, slanderous lie, by the way, not simply a "nasty rumour". It requires the commission of illegal actions for it to be possible for any restraining order even to be issued in the first place, which means that each and every person who has ever believed and/or spread this lie is saying, without there being a shred of truth to what they are saying, that I have committed such illegal actions. And then there are those who know best of all what an egregious lie this is but who have stood by silent, for reasons of their own. But I have absolutely no legitimate reason to think of you as being a member of either of these groups of people.

No, the only thing I think of when I see your OKP screen name is that you have had a long, rough road with a sick child. That is certainly no reason at all to want to do something that makes such a person feel slapped once, let alone twice.

It was not until I went over to the OKP in response to a comment about how Sean looks in the latest batch of fan avatar photos (and if I had posted this comment, you would indeed feel slapped, which is exactly why I am not putting it up...I really do try hard not to put negative shit up here that is clearly referencing a specfic person or small group of people, though I know I have on occasion fucked up and failed in that attempt), that I put the screen name with the avatar face, as it were. Given a few of the people I saw you associating with at AC, it does not surprise me overmuch that you have heard the "nasty rumour" (it does make such a wonderfully convenient "explanation" for why I am not ruthlessly and relentlessly pursuing a given band member the way the lie-believer/spreader is, or would be, given the same opportunity) but I have no reason to believe you have any part in perpetuating it.

Judging for yourself is quite an admirable path to walk, quite an unusual path as well within the confines of Great Big Sea fandom. I suspect you will have a difficult time keeping some of your present fan-friends if you continue along that path, but I wish you well in the attempt.

So, again, I will apologise, Ziggy, though I am still not completely sure what caused the problem in the first place. But I do know I did not intend to slap you or insult you. I meant what I said before about respecting your honesty - even if I might not agree with your opinion - and you are welcome here at any time. And I hope things keep going well for your child for as long as possible too.

[Christina]

Well said, and long past due.

There are, of course, plenty who won't believe it, but it still needed to be said.

[JoAnn]

April 13..Trenton Ontario, escorting my daughter to a provincial shooting competition. Pint will have to wait..again.. Much sadness. But the kid is a great shooter!

[mary]

This is going to sound totally picky especially since I post in the OKP almost never and here only once in a blue moon but... A restraining order would include the show, not just after parties, so since I am assuming GBS security aren't morons I will have to assume no restraining order. Not that I am saying I think you did whatever it is they have made up. It just bugs me that this bit of trash is obviously stupid malicious gossip not just malicious gossip. How can anyone buy it? Hasn't everyone heard about real stalkers being pulled from the crowd at a show for violating orders. Come on if you are going to make something up couldn't you make it believable. Like the reason the teenager doesn't go to GBS shows is because she was forever exported to rapture by a kiss through glass from Alan. Not that she is too old but not yet old enough to go to a folk show with her mom.

As my most wonderful meditation teacher would say:

"Brilliant people talk about ideas,
Average people talk about things,
Small people talk about each other."

or Paris from Gilmore Girls

"If you're having a bad day, find a ledge or a way to deal."

That last one applies to so many.

[Laura]

I wasn't trying to 'slap' anyone when I said what I think about how Sean looks in the avatar pics, except maybe Sean and he's a big enough boy to take it.

How about this for your consideration? Ziggy hangs around with people who tell shitty lies about you, don't you have a right to feel slapped by that???

I'd like to hear the story about Oyster Band too. :)

L.

[ziggy]

Wine and a keyboard dont go well together.

[Shantymanfan]

I am also one of the ones that you referred to as a fanbitch, one of the avatars you refer to, and one of the so-called Seanivores. I actually have no problem with being referred to as a Seanivore, and have since been amusing myself with this title, but took serious offense to being called a fanbitch.

I met you for the first time last summer, BEFORE, I had heard anything insulting about anyone, let alone you. I too, chose to shrug it off. People often feel the need to insult others to make themselves feel better. But do you not realize your generalizations about the people who attend many concerts has also been used to describe you?

I feel now that anyone reading your blog and seeing my avatar on OKP will immediately presume that I am one of the 'current wave of fans' and I don't appreciate it. The people you saw Ziggy and I associating with are friends and, regardless of whatever opinion they have of you, do not run around posting nasty things about you for all to read.

A group of us were lucky enough to get into the Foundation Room. We got in without paying a penny (and that includes not paying for the $600 room) and got them without DOING anyone. We did not even know that such a room existed until we were handed the passes. I understand your feelings about the whole idea of having such a room but we were just about the only ones in it. Nothing required any of the band members to do more than put in an appearance. 4 of them showed and stayed from 20 minutes to 2+ hours. 3 of them actually appearing to enjoy being there rather than there because they were forced.

I understand, rumours true or not, people shit on you constantly, but do you really think you are taking the Newfoundlander High road you described if you're calling others names in return?

[lynda]

I am sorry but I do not have time right now to give a proper answer, so that will have to wait till later tonight.

But since it seems rude to let these comments sit and sit unposted, I will put them up for now and answer in a bit. Two responses that will not wait, however:

Shantymanfan, this is what I said in a prior response in regard to "fanbitches":

"It's been brought to my attention that a certain pack of fanbitches has been spreading around the "fact" that the reason I don't stake out their tour bus so I can chase them to the pub or hang at the stage door so they can't get past me or try to finagle any way at all to put myself in their path isn't because I might be trying to be considerate or thoughtful of their privacy and personal space. Oh no, according to these shining examples of GBS fans...it's because there's a restraining order out against me. Uh-huh. And what this tells me about the people who are spreading such a lie is that this is exactly what measure it would take to keep THEM from doing all the stalking and pursuing and intruding they can possibly do whenever they have the opportunity to do so."

If you're saying you are one of the group that is spreading around this lie, then, sorry, but that would indeed thoroughly qualify you for the "fanbitch" title, in my opinion (which is, once again, only my opinion). If you are not spreading around this lie (I am sorry, but I am not sure who you are from the name "Shantymanfan," so I have no idea what you do or do not do), then I have no idea why it is you would want to think "fanbitch" refers to you.

If something does not apply to you, why be seriously offended by it? Or if you are seriously offended on the behalf of your friends - and if my definition of "fanbitch" does apply to those friends - then your reaction is the result of your own choice of friends, and no one other than yourself should be held accountable for that reaction.

Yeah, I think "Seanivore" is pretty damn clever too, in a painful sort of way, another one of those cutting-edge-of-truth matters. Kind of wish I'd come up with that one on my own. I will gladly purloin it, though.

By the way, I never said any such thing as "Newfoundland High Road," nor would I ever say that - because there is no such frigging road. There are no Ever-Forgiving Cheerful Newfie Souls - no Simple-Minded Noble Primitives - who exist for the sole purpose of patiently enduring being shat upon by assholes, and all due credit to them for that simple fact, a fact which is strenuously and assiduously denied and rejected by many of those would-be-shitting assholes. What I said was Newfoundland Gold Standard Of Behaviour - specifically in regard to how the actions of such assholes are dealt with - and this is an altogether different kettle of fish. You might want to re-read the context of that reference to get the primary point, which I perhaps should have made clearer. And now I suppose I need to hush, or Roger will start feeling again like he has to kill me.

You also seem to think that I might possibly feel some compulsion to be "better than" or "bigger than" those who constantly shit on me. Think again. Wasted energy, as I have finally learned the very hard way, since I have a thick and stubborn head for such lessons. That energy is much more wisely invested on those who matter, the people who are worth caring about. The ones who keep on telling shitty lies about you (publicly and/or behind your back - do you really believe the latter is somehow more acceptable or less damaging?...it is only more cowardly and underhanded) do not deserve any such investment or consideration. Behavioural Gold Standards once again. I may learn slowly, but I do eventually learn.

Ziggy, no worries. If you want me to delete that last comment of yours and my long-winded response, just say the word and it's done.

Thanks to all who commented (Yes, you too, Shantymanfan). Now I have a friend to visit. I'll be back later tonight.

[lynda]

OK, now for the rest.

Yes, Christina, way past due, I know. Another attempt on my part, albeit a belated one, to gain a bit more purchase on the notion of Middle Ground: Just as ranting and roaring over being lied about didn't seem at all any part of Middle Ground, I've finally come around to the realisation that standing by in my own silence while being lied about is equally nowhere near that middle point.

So I have called the lie for what it is, and now I will deal as best as I can with those who I am sure will choose to believe it regardless, since it suits their own purposes/inclinations to do so. My own version of Middle Ground.

JoAnn, I will miss you on April 13th, but I am sure I will be seeing you somewhere else in not too long of a time. My very best wishes to your daughter for success in her competition.

Mary, it is good to hear from you; I don't give a flying fuck how often you post here or anywhere else. You are always welcome here.

Thank you for pointing out the crucial difference between malicious gossip and stupid malicious gossip. Not much of a surprise when stupid people believe stupid malicious gossip, but when smart people choose to believe it, that's usually a result of some sort of personal agenda.

I tend toward the Spectrum Theory with most human behaviour. At one of end of this particular spectrum are those who know full well that they are telling and encouraging a very shitty lie, and they do that telling and encouraging for their own very shitty reasons. At the other end of this spectrum are the truly stunned, the ones who will believe most anything they are told by "everyone" to believe, all the better to avoid making any effort to think or judge for themselves.

It's in all of that wide space in-between the Monsters and the Morons where it really gets interesting. There are some who truly do prefer to believe negative shit about others - maybe because it makes them feel a little less bad about their own shortcomings and failings - but there are also those who continue to have faith and trust long after it has ceased being sensible to do so. There are those who will believe all of what anyone they want to suck up to and get something from tells them to believe, and there are those who will believe only the evidence of their own two eyes. More often than not, we believe what we want to believe...and then we disregard the rest.

Sometimes it's comprehensible why someone chooses to believe an outright lie - even a stupid malicious lie - because their motivation is clear to see. Other times such a will to believe pure shit is unfathomable - although occasionally what was once impossible to understand does eventually become clear. Occasionally.

That clarity came to me recently, at least if I choose to believe that which I was told. There is a miserable little man who has had a hate hard-on for me over the past few years, and up until short time ago, I could never understand why. I've exchanged maybe 10 words total with the man over the years, totally inconsequential contact, until a few years ago when he went on the warpath about how horribly I terrorise poor little Alan Doyle. Every chance he gets, still, he goes back to that same topic and harps on it.

His unrelenting and mouthy hostility has never made any sense to me. Call me sexist, but I just do not expect this particular kind of cracked behaviour from male GBS fans; this is typically much more the sourpussed female GBS fan reaction.

I had pretty much given up on ever understanding why this nasty little bastard was so obsessed with me...until I stumbled into a conversation with a friend of his - although a bit of a "with friends like these..." sort of friend, as it turns out.

According to this friend (and there is always a need to take with a grain of salt anything said by someone I know has done their own share of lie-spreading), Mr. Hostile has a problem with the Little Woman. His wife has a multi-year yearning for poor little Alan Doyle - a yearning that considerably predates my own awareness of Alan's existence on the planet, mind you - and since Mr. Hostile can't bring himself to tell his own wife how pissed off he is over how much she wants to fuck Alan blind (odd how a person can have such poor taste in marriage but such excellent taste in fantasy)...he takes that pent-up anger and resentment and spews at least some of it out on me. Again, according to the "friend".

My first thought on hearing all of this was that if this really is true, what a fucking little twerp of a prick this guy is, to say shitty thing after shitty thing about me for years because he lacks the testicular fortitude to talk to his own frigging wife. Then I thought about it some more, and it didn't take very long for it to seem more sad than anything else. What a unhappy way to live your life.

There are a lot of people who have a lighthearted, casual attitude about their own fandom, whether that fandom is for GBS or whoever else. They come and take pleasure from what the performer does, paying for that pleasure with their money and their applause, and then they go on their merry way until the next time.

Then there are others who wind up taking it all more seriously, no inherent harm in that, to be sure. But sometimes, among that latter group there are inevitably going to be those who bring such heavy baggage into their fandom, such hurts and damages and such insatiable needs. Buddy's real problem isn't with me, and it doesn't even really have much to with Alan or GBS; his real problem is between him and his wife, no matter how much he tries to transfer that problem over into some "safer" arena.

Sometimes it is next to impossible to understand why a person reacts the way they do in a given situation - or why they choose to believe "A" instead of "B" - because you have no clue what it is that is really causing that reaction. So when it does not make much sense - when a bright person is clearly choosing to believe something stupid and illogical - I suppose the only way to accept that is to believe in turn that they must have their own personal reasons for making that choice, no matter if those reasons are ever known to you or not.

I very well might be able to buy Beth's GBS absences as being due to her having been raptured away by Alan's glass-kisses. It was so sweet when he skated over and did that, he very nearly exported me to rapture at that moment as well.

Gotta love that quote from the Gilmore Girls. I think I will be using that one again.

Laura, I get it that there was no slapping intended, no worries about that. But sometimes slaps can happen unintentionally too. And I am not a bit keen on Sean's getting slapped either. Just because a person can take it does not mean they should have to do so.

You see those photos one way; I have heard from some others who see them quite differently. If what you're looking for is how I see them, then you are going to get answered with a story:

The first time we spoke to all of the GBS guys together was after the 5th show we saw, in Pittsburgh. I had a book I wanted them to sign and David had his heart set on a photo of them all. We waited, along with a few other people, after the show (Yes, at the stage door...I was way more innocent and clueless about such things back then) and after quite some time, they all came out.

They were very drunk. Not just cute drunk or funny drunk but out-and-out shit-faced drunk, to the point of it being rather startling to me at the time; I remember wondering if they should be walking around on a downtown Pittsburgh street when that drunk and worrying about their safety. Very innocent and clueless back then. They were all carrying drinks in plastic cups and Sean had a half-full bottle with him too, so I assumed they intended to get still more drunk.

I got my one-and-only GBS autographs on the book, found out that Alan truly does not let the facts get in the way of the good story, and then we went to take the picture. They were really sweet about it, meekly obedient to David's photographer's choreographing. The picture was of the four of them (Kris, the sole sober band member, backed out of being in it since he was so new to GBS), me, and two other women who had been waiting to meet them. David had our camera and the women's camera and was going to take shots with both.

The two women, Bob, Sean and Darrell lined up and for some reason, Alan and I wound up in front of them (which makes far more sense in terms of height for me than it does for Alan). He was weaving as he stood there, kind of staggering while standing still; just watching him sway was making me feel a bit seasick.

David set up the shot and as he was counting to three, Alan lurched against me, not hard, but enough to make me look up at him and wonder if that Stumbling In line about "You always break my fall" might be more literal than figurative. I propped him back upright with my shoulder and smiled for the camera while David started the count over again; I had to do the same maneuver a few more times before both pictures were finished.

David took forever on the photos, and the longer it took, the more convinced I was that I was about to be flattened by a gorgeous but seriously inebriated rock star. I distinctly recall deciding it would not be so bad. It really wasn't all that hard to smile for the camera.

Pictures finally taken, they and the bottle went on their merry way and the ladies went off to their car. As soon as they were all out of earshot, I asked David why he had taken so bloody long on the photos, adding that I wasn't sure Alan was going to stay upright for the duration. He told me he had been thinking the very same thing, and he was purposely taking his sweet time to see if perhaps Alan really might fall over on me "since that would have made for a fantastic photo".

This was back in the day of my film camera, so we didn't see the pictures for a few days. When we finally did see them, I learned yet another of what continues to be many fascinating lessons about Alan Doyle.

In the photo, Bob and Darrell and Sean look as drunk as they truly were (Sean can even be seen trying to hide the whiskey bottle inside his jacket). And Alan, the same man who was lurching and weaving and barely able to stand upright on his own two feet? Alan is gazing directly into the camera with a beautiful smile on his face, looking as sober and alert and charming and spectacular as he looks in the thousands of other fan-taken photos I have since seen of him.

My point (yes, there really is a point, I promise) is that most often it is Alan who we see in the fan photos, and there are few people in this life who do fan photos anywhere near as expertly as Alan does them. We don't see Sean in these kinds of photos anywhere near as much, and he is, frankly, nowhere near as proficient at them as Alan is.

So if Sean should come across in any fan photos as looking a bit vulnerable (my own choice of adjective), that doesn't really surprise me all that much. And that I might not be too keen on Sean's getting slapped in regard to those kind of photos really shouldn't surprise anyone else all that much either.

I'm not going to be able to buy into my having any "right" to feel slapped by who someone else associates with, either. People are free to choose their own friends, and we are free to choose in turn if we want to be around that person and their chosen friends. My own choice is not particularly wanting to have much to do with those who are drawn to liars, regardless of who the lies are about, mostly because that usually means having to put up with the liars too. But it's still a matter of personal choice.

I am still trying to get to the Oysterband story. I think when I wrap up here I am saying "Enough" about this topic. This isn't really what I am here for, and I'd like to get back to what really does matter to me as soon as I can.

Shantymanfan, already asked and answered in part. I'll add just a few more comments:

Your reaction to the "fanbitch" defintion is another one of those instances where if you say the people in Group A are great but the people in Group B are jerks, there will invariably be some Group A people who are certain you have just called them a Group B jerk. And there are almost always a few Group B assholes who are completely convinced that they are charter members of Group A. This reaction seems to be an ineluctable aspect of the human condition, for some of us at least (yes, I too have reacted both ways myself on occasion).

I say over and over, again and again, that there are GBS fans I really like, GBS fans I think are great people, GBS fans whom I count among my dearest friends. But as soon as I also say that I think some GBS fans are unrelenting assholes and/or greedy attention-predators (or fanbitches), there are always those who are sure beyond a doubt that I have just directly insulted them. Sometimes they are quite astutely correct, but other times I am left wondering how in the world some totally inoffensive person could possibly imagine themselves to be a part of a group of ruthless assholes.

Even more puzzling is when someone I don't know at all is convinced they just been unfairly maligned by me; that is, unless they are indeed behaving in the particular ways I am saying I personally find distasteful and abusive. But even if so, why care about an opinion of you - especially if that opinion comes from someone you don't even know - that is based on a truthful appraisal of your actions? If you think something is right to do and no one is lying and saying you have done things you believe are wrong to do...why care what someone else calls you? That is only a difference of opinion, and differences of opinion are a natural part of human interaction.

While there are GBS fans of whom I am decidedly not fond, the simple act of going to shows would never be a sole reason for that opinion. Not only would that be utter hypocrisy on my own part, it would be pretty stupid too. It's not how many shows anyone goes to that matters, it's how people act at those shows, as well as before and after those shows, that matters. As ever, in my opinion.

If you think my "generalizations" are based on the number of shows attended by anyone, you are mistaken, as well as rather inattentive. I (repeatedly) make it clear enough what fan behaviours I personally find distasteful; the relentless attempt to push one's way into the private lives of performers regardless of what they might want, is not the only repugnant fan behaviour I regularly encounter (I am also not a bit fond of tall drunks upchucking down onto my head at shows), but it sure is way up at the top of my list.

If someone wants to think badly or speak badly of me because I go to many shows, or because I take pictures and videos, or because I write and express opinions, or because I love spending time in Newfoundland, or because I believe Alan is a dear and wonderful man, that's their right and no arguments from me. If you are so stunned as to want to believe me deserving of a restraining order for these things I actually do, again, it is your right to be so stunned and I don't really give a shit what you or those who agree with you choose to think of me, especially given what I am going to be feeling free to think of you in turn.

Feel perfectly free to dislike me (or the opposite, for that matter) for the truth of who I am or what I do; I will surely feel free to do the same with you in turn. But when your dislike of me is based on outright lies about things that I do not do and have never done, things I personally think to be rudely abusive and utterly assholish - most of all, things that are actually criminal in nature - that is not anyone's right and there will most definitely be an argument from me. For all the good that will do, of course. That and $5 will get you a Starbucks coffee.

I am aware that some got into the AC Foundation Room one way, while others got in a different way. That too is pretty standard practice, and it's usually based on physical appearance, which of course means those not deemed to "measure up" do not get handed those unexpected free passes. I saw this happen to a group of friends in LA: Four were decent-looking enough, and dressed appropriately inappropriately for LA HOB standards, while the other two were overweight and unattractive. The group got four passes, handed to the decent-looking members.

If you think the Chosen Four were loyal to the Unwanted Two and said "fuck off" to the FR passes that did not include their friends...think again. Yet another reason for why it is I don't think much of the HOB and their FR games, as well as yet another reason why I don't see Fandom as bringing out the best in very many people.

The only people who know for sure what kind of a time the band members had that night - or for that matter, who know for sure how much if any choice they had in being there in the first place - are the band members themselves; anything else really is speculation, the bane of Bob's existence. Moot point about required attendance, really; if it were on the clock, it was a part of the job they'd agreed to going in, so they had made a choice of sorts no matter what.

Staying in a place for 2 hours could indeed be a sure sign of having a grand time; it could also be what made it acceptable for another to stay for only 20 minutes. The appearance of enjoyment can be totally genuine and reflective of the truth, or it can be more a matter of doing your job really well; sometimes it can even be both of these at the same time.

At the end of the day, I hope they had as good of a time as possible since they work very hard and deserve what good times they do get. I still think the HOB and its FR shit are rather creepy, but that's a separate issue.

I already answered the "Newfoundlander High Road" comment, so I will just add this final point and be done with this:

What every single bully/abuser on this planet loves to hear is Decent People chastising those who are being bullied/abused for "calling others names in return". This chastisement has next to nothing to do with the bullied person's welfare, not really much at all to do with the abuser either, not really. The true reason for the chastisement is to make life easier for the Decent People, to ensure that they don't have to make any hard choices about how they should respond when people they are friends with and/or have something to gain from act like fucking assholes toward others.

As long as lies and other abuse stay "private," the Decent People can look the other way and not be bothered by any unpleasant or unsettling reality. And nobody else has to find out that they are all buddied up to a lying asshole, or two, or three.

Basically, what you are saying, and what all people who say such things are saying, is "Well, yes, you get lied about and shit on, but can't you just shut the fuck up about it so as not to cause me or anyone else any difficulty or inconvenience? Why won't you be a politely quiet victim of these lies? Can't you just rise above it all and take it, and then I can pretend that none of it exists in my happy-fix GBS world?" It's an attitude which always works wonderfully well for those Decent People...right up until the point when they become the ones being lied about and shit on.

But I have no plans to trouble the Decent People about this any more. I've said my piece, and that's it for me on this topic; I'm glad to have finally found my own middle ground on this. All that's left now is the choosing of what to believe, which takes the ball out of my hands and puts it right back in the Decent People's court.

And with that, I call this topic closed. Blogger's privilege, and quite a nice privilege at that, I must say. For sure tomorrow on the next entry. It has taken me way too long to get back to where I want to be.

[Shantymanfan]

I realize you 'closed' the blog but I'm hoping you still get this reply anyway but not expecting you to 'reopen' it for me (and chances are, if you did, I would just succeed in looking worse).

I would have appreciated it if you had printed my second reply, I don't recall there being anything insulting in it, just trying to clear things up. Not having printed it means your assessment of my comments are taken as the actual meaning behind them, not allowing your Descent People to judge for themselves.

Your 2nd answer to the Newfoundland High Road thing continues to perpetuate the misunderstanding of what I meant.
"Well, yes, you get lied about and shit on, but can't you just shut the fuck up about it so as not to cause me or anyone else any difficulty or inconvenience? Why won't you be a politely quiet victim of these lies? " is not what I'm saying. You have every right to scream as loud as you want about the people that shit on you. That's not what I'm saying but I guess I'm not succeeding in getting the message across and your 'Blogger's privilege' means it doesn't have any chance to.

I do not know if you meant it or not, I will choose to presume you didn't but I should point out that you've have completely made me look like a horrible person with your last entry. The second half of it begins with an address directly to me and then continues with a "If you are so stunned as to want to believe me deserving of a restraining order for these things I actually do, again, it is your right to be so stunned and I don't really give a shit what you or those who agree with you choose to think of me, especially given what I am going to be feeling free to think of you in turn.". This implies to people reading your blog that I actually said (or believe for that matter) that you deserve a restraining order (because, as I said, I haven't a clue what you did or didn't do to merit this) and that really is insulting to me.

Why should I care? Because it is human nature to care, not when person A presumes bad things about them, we learn over time to live with that, but when person A then causes person B,C, & D to believe it. As far as I know, in our few meetings, I have never done anything to warrant this but will obviously have to settle for the 'Indecent' decision from the Decent People's Court, my own fault for having tried to carry out a discussion with you. The person who is more adept at writing (and controls the medium) will always come out on top. Such is life.

[lynda]

Yes, I closed this topic, but that's an arbitrary action; it doesn't have to mean somebody gets left feeling totally misconstrued.

I find that many times the simplest answer is the most likely answer: I didn't have any issues with your "second reply" (and I'm assuming that this is your third reply); I never received that second reply. If you are sure you hit "Post" and there was no connection problem on your end, my guess is that the blog ate your second reply. It does that on occasion, to me as well.

Much of my own prior response was directed to the "collective you," not to the specfic you (the Shantymanfan you) although it applies to you as well - you, along with everyone else (including myself), are free to choose to believe lies or truth, and free to associate with liars or non-liars.

I'm not a bit sure who the People B, C, and D you are concerned might wind up thinking bad things about you might be, unless your "Shantymanfan" screen nic is way more commonly used by you than I have been aware of. For the record, even I still do not know who you are (I am sorry about that, but I do meet many people at shows and you have not used any name I recognise), so even I couldn't be presuming any negative things about you personally.

And I have to confess that I find a good deal of irony in your continuing concern about being falsely believed to have said or thought or done something that you did not say or think or do, given your admitted friendship with those who tell the most egregious and damaging lies about what someone else has said or thought or done.

Why not stop for a second and try to imagine how that shoe feels when forced onto someone else's foot? Now imagine it being forced on for years, imagine being presumed to have committed illegal actions against someone you care about, and imagine that lie being told and re-told over and over so that people you do not even know wind up believing it without question or doubt. So much for getting insulted by the untrue presumption of negative behaviour.

As you just said:

"Why should I care? Because it is human nature to care, not when person A presumes bad things about them, we learn over time to live with that, but when person A then causes person B,C, & D to believe it."

I agree. It is human nature to care.

There's no sense in your feeling as if you have wound up looking horrible here when that simply isn't true - certainly I didn't think so, and I genuinely doubt most anyone else reading what you or I wrote would think so either - and that feeling can (possibly) be rectified by posting one more comment into an arbitrarily closed topic. Controlling a medium does not have to mean acting like an asshole in the use of that control.

[Anon (By Editorial Decision)]

I’m asking permission to be allowed to sneak a comment in past the closure too. You know I approve of you finally confronting this lie. I think your silence over the past few years has made it way too easy for people to think ‘It must be true or otherwise why wouldn’t she furiously deny it‘? I never thought that was a specifically American way of thinking, all I know is it’s what I experience around me and I’m prone to it myself.

Of course the kind of people who want to believe something malicious without evidence anyway will say ‘Well of course she denies it, wouldn’t anyone?’ You know that already. You can’t stop anybody from believing a lie they want to believe, but you can stop making it easy for the types who have a little conscience and decency left.

Bluntly speaking, I think you waited too long to do this. I know you said you didn’t want to be part of hurting GBS by pushing the issue of how ugly a percentage of their fans are but it's a high price to pay for not being part of bad public relations. They wound up looking bad anyway to anyone who know you and how you behave and feel, but I can see how that’s a smaller group than the general public at large. We were expendable. ;)

I never told you this because I wanted to be a supportive friend but I want to say it now and I’d like for you to go ahead and make it public because I think it should be said publicly by someone. But it’s your jdecision. I went through a period when I didn’t think much of you caring about anyone who apparently didn’t give a shit that you were being lied about and treated like shit. I’m still not nuts about it but I’ve also come to see differently because of you and how you’ve handled things.

I don’t know who the people who make up Great Big Sea are. I don’t believe they’re the grinning fools their neurotic fans make them out to be but I don’t think they’re cold hearted bastards any more either. I came around to thinking they’re like all of the rest of us, decent enough people who do what they think they have to do to get done what they feel like they have to get done. Real, in other words. If thinking they’re real people is a good thing, then you deserve a share of the credit for getting me to this point of view, along with some of their music and what they've said themselves.

I still don’t understand the reasons for your loyalty to GBS and probably never will but I know the loyalty is there and if I believe in you then I have to believe in your reasons for staying loyal. If that’s what you want to make happen, then you did it with me.

You've also done good showing it's possible to keep your brain switch turned 'On' while enjoying GBS.Smart GBS fans owe you a lot for that.

One last thought. I think you’re self aware enough to know this already so I might not need to say it but I still will because I have a big nose and a bigger mouth. You don’t need to make this part public if you don’t want to. It’s good you’re confronting this old issue now but you’re doing it now partly because you can’t do anything to stop a friend from dying. It’s a good thing to find something you can do something about to make what you can’t do anything about bearable, it’s healthy and naturla as long as you understand why you’re doing it. We all transfer our grief and anger into safer places. Feeling helpless and overwhelmed by things we can’t control is a big motivating force in getting us to take on the things we can control.

I hope your roses survive. The next door neighbors lost half a dozen big rhododendrons.

[Barb in Minn.]

Hi Lynda,
[wow, this got a bit long. Feel free to chop, or not post at all]

I was going to refrain from commenting on the last post, but then you had to go and mention Bon Jovi... ironically that's who I saw in concert last week (cuz flying to see any of the GBS shows wasn't feasible). A very professional, well done show, but didn't grab me the way a GBS show does. The megawattage was in the production as a whole, not strictly in the performers.

Have you seen the Blue Man Group's touring show, How to be a Megastar? Vastly entertaining because it pays homage to rock concert norms - while skewering them at the same time. I now have a great time noting classic Rock Concert Movements. Ooo, there's #1, the basic head bob. Unfortunately, they did not include a segment on how to deal with over-zealous groupies…
Anyway, the BMG show actually does a good job of demonstrating that a concert is often as much of a choreographed production as musical theatre. Although I always hope that the musicians really are having the time of their lives while they’re on stage, I also respect that fact that the true professionals will always look that way when they’re On, no matter what the backstage situation actually is.

Re: part of the job. I have a friend who has a drummer cousin who has toured with several big name bands. She has mentioned that he likes not being an official member of the band because he isn’t obligated to be at all the meet & greets. She noted that when her family saw him after a recent show, the other band members all seemed to enjoy being amongst family as opposed to everyone having to be On – they stopped to casually say hi like roommates (most likely helping themselves to grandma’s cookies).

I’m surprised to hear about that pesty restraining order, since you seemed so sane and relaxed during that hour in Lowell’s Irish bar when we were chatting and Alan was mere feet away. (Did I ever tell you that I felt like a stalker that night, because when we got to the hotel, their tourbus was parked out front. I was really glad that we didn’t run into any of them at breakfast.)

[Mari]

Hi Lynda,

What’s happened is wrong, no two ways about it and I don’t know how something like that ever gets fixed. Good can still come from bad, but I wish good would come from good more often than it does. You know who your friends are and you know who you want to be a friend too. That’s worth a lot, it even maybe priceless.

[lynda]

You folks sure do make it difficult to close a topic down. Which is not necessarily a bad thing...there are times in this life when that which is most wonderful is also most difficult.

Anon (by editorial decision), I hope you will understand my removing your name from your comment. I took it off because what you said here goes quite a ways beyond anything like this you've ever said publicly, and I want to be sure you know you do not have to deal with any shit you might get for this. If you really want me to put your name back on, I will do so.

Anon-or-otherwise, I do appreciate what you've said here. Yes, I know part of why I'm doing several things I'm in the middle of right now is because I am trying to re-establish some semblance of control in the face of that which cannot be at all controlled. I'm self-aware enough to understand that, and honest enough to admit it to myself and to others.

Whenever there is something awful and unalterable going on, it's what I do...even to the point of using housework to get something back into control. My house is at is cleanest when things are going the shittiest, as a general rule; this is such an established behaviour with me that when a friend visits and finds me in a spotless house, the first question that friend usually asks is "What's wrong?" I never get asked that when they come in and see my house in its customary state of cheerful chaos.

I'm sitting here in the midst of a pretty darn clean house right now. At least a few constructive things can come out of terrible events, as you noted.

Yes, I probably waited too long. You know my tendency toward erring on the side of putting it off and hoping it resolves itself in time. You and the people like you who never stopped believing in someone you knew were never expendable to me and you never will be. I am so sorry for the shit that has splattered onto nearby others after bouncing off of me.

Funny thing (funny-odd, that is) about being a cold-hearted bastard is how often many of us see that quality in others and how seldom we tend to see the same in ourselves. I don't believe there are very many of us who have not acted like a cold-hearted bastard (or bitch, for the gender-stubborn) on some occasions. For me, it comes down to what else a person is or is not, beyond that part of us all which is capable of acting and sometimes acts like a cold-hearted bastard - the same grace and mercy I earnestly hope at least a few others would be willing to grant to me. I know I have said this before, but it does bear repeating: There is what people do, and then there is who people are. For better and for worse, the latter is what matters to me.

If you've come to see something of value in terms of loyalty or even more to see somebody else as a real person because of anything I have or haven't done, then you sure help to make that doing/not-doing worth my own while. Even being able to feel more comfortable using your own intelligence to appreciate intelligent men and their music is more good than I'd hoped for. Thank you very much for saying those things.

I do feel compelled to correct one point. I am not loyal to Great Big Sea. GBS is a "thing," a collective entity that exists only by the present choice of the men who make up that thing/collective entity. I'm not much for having loyalty to things - I tend much more toward loyalty to people. I don't spend time or effort being on the "side" of a thing, but I can certainly be completely and wholeheartedly on the side of a person.

If/when the day comes that the continued existence of GBS is not something desired by those people - most of all by one of those people - then that is the day I will gladly see GBS cease to exist. Every day that the continuance of GBS is something that this person (and his partners) believes makes his life happier and more creatively satisfied is a day I am glad to see GBS continue.

The jury is still out on the roses; we have them staked and tied down well enough to resist a hurricane. Now it is a matter of the roots, a matter of whether the damage done was or was not irreparable. Those are tough roses, though, and my money is on them.

Hello, Barb. No worries about being wordy here; I'd sure be a hyprocrite to edit anyone on account of word count. Though I did indeed snip off your last sentence - not that there was a thing wrong with it. It's just that the matter you mentioned was recently cause for my being on the receiving end of some physical abuse at a show not very long ago, and I figure why tempt some other drunken asshole bitch into similar behaviour? No sense borrowing trouble.

I really enjoyed that pub in Lowell. For nearly all of the time Alan and Murray were there, I watched the procession of slightly bashful and somewhat hesitant fans (so many of them young couples) come up and say a few words of what looked to be innocent appreciation and then, most important of all, they moved along. Nobody trying to sink claws in the performers and use them as some kind of self-worth boost, well, at least up until one particular predator on her hunt came in and got ahold of Alan (he had his back to her when she entered the pub, and when she saw her prey in sight, she lit up with a jack-o-lantern grin then turned around and triumphantly high-fived her fellow hunter - an excellent example of not sane and not relaxed).

But Alan got away from her quickly enough and that was it, he and Murray were gone about 30 seconds after predator disengagement. Probably sooner than they had wanted to have to leave, but still, it looked like a pleasant hour for them while it lasted. It was nice to see; it's always nice to see that it can at times be that way, for a while at least.

"Sane and relaxed" works very well in describing that group of fans and the time too, up until that last person. Nobody's ever seen me be any other way around Alan, Barb, most of all, Alan himself.

It's been awhile since I saw Bon Jovi, but the shows I did see were special, production effect to be sure but also a great performance from him and the band. I really need to go see BMG one of these days; Chip has been after me to catch their act and everything I hear sounds interesting. One of these days my schedule and their schedule are going to agree and I will see them. This Megastar thing sounds fascinating - sounds like the kind of thing Alan might really enjoy too.

That whole "part of the job" concept fascinates me on multiple levels. One of the things GBS is best at is making it look as if they aren't really working at all, like it's all just a matter of them being themselves and always genuinely wanting to do exactly what the fans want them to do, nothing more than that and nothing less than that. Well, on stage at least. Off stage, it's usually Alan who is seen that way most of the time.

Pure logic and common sense says that any human being has days when he doesn't feel like doing his job and times when he thinks the customers (and that is what fans ultimately are...customers) have their frigging heads up their arses. But the real professionals, the ones who are the very best at doing that job, do not let this show. Making something that requires skill and talent and discipline and control and endurance appear effortless and natural night after night for years is awesomely hard work, the kind of hard work that's at its most successful when you do it so well that almost nobody realises it actually is hard work.

Which means that what's really the most impressive effort is the effort that gets totally taken for granted by every single person with a vested interest in believing it isn't an effort at all (They were having so much fun on stage tonight! They have so much fun on stage every night!! Alan loves it when he gets to be in the 10 millionth fan trophy photo!!!, etc). Doing it that well ensures that most of the people you do it for will never admire and respect your hard work the way your hard work deserves to be admired and respected.

And what happens to the people who do see it as the hard work it so often is and who go ahead and talk about it openly as being such? That open tallk becomes a threat to the continuance of the delusion, at least for those whose delusion is not yet so entrenched as to be unassailable. If the purpose of the hard work is to establish and maintain such delusions, then is talking honestly about that work doing a service or disservice to the admired and respected labourer? Tough questions, fascinating but tough.

I have been in the same hotel as them so many times, and I usually wind up scurrying down to grab breakfast to bring up to my room or I skip it altogether, all to avoid not only actually being a pest but maybe more so to avoid the appearance of giving truth to the lies. Which, it has taken me fucking forever to figure out, was a large part of the inception of the lie (and I do know where it began, with someone who knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was indeed a outright lie) in the first place.

The lie was intended at its point of origin either to drive me away out of disgust and anger over the falseness of the lie itself or to make me go away because of an inability on my part to bear the mistreatment that was sure to come from those who believed the lie.

Not so important which path was taken, so long as the desired outcome was achieved. And nothing particularly unusual in the use of such a method in the attempt to achieve the desired result; it's quite the well-established and time-honoured method for accomplishing such ends, really, ruthless perhaps but effective enough, especially when dealing with a group of fans among whom a considerable number have clearly shown themselves not to be overly concerned with or interested in any inconvenient or undesirable or complicated realities, many of whom have come to the GBS "World" for the express purpose of escaping from just such realities.

Rule Number One Of Successful Persuasion: Know Your Audience. A rule that applies equally to writing, to spin, to manipulation...and to lies. The past few years have shown how appropriate this choice of method was with this particular audience. At the end of the day, what's most significant to me isn't that there would be one or two or even several people motivated enough to do something like this deliberately; the real pertinence of the story is in how many people are willing to believe a lie, maybe even more so in those who have a will-to-believe, and the reasons for that willingness/will. I came into this already knowing that there were people who would begin a lie that served their own self-interest; the lesson I needed to learn was that when people have motivation to believe that lie, a whole lot of them will do exactly that.

When the time-honoured method failed to accomplish the original desired result, the lie turned into a bully club instead, into something that might inhibit and constrain my actions as I foolishly went about bending over backwards so as not to give anyone cause to think the lie might be true, still so fatuously stupid as to hope that what was believed about me might have some sane connection to what I actually did...doing exactly such idiotic things as scurrying down to grab a muffin and bolt back to my room to eat it or skipping breakfast altogether when in the same hotel with the band.

Or choosing not to be in some place that Alan was in so as not to be the one taking the blame if/when he abruptly left that place: How much do you want to bet that if I had been in that Atlantic City Foundation Room, the fact that Alan came in reluctantly, stayed there only 20 or so minutes, and did not appear to want to be there at all would have been totally and conveniently blamed on my presence, that this "explanation" would be believed without a doubt to be the absolute truth by those there and also by those to whom the tall tale was told afterwards? But I was not there...Do you hear anyone blaming some other person who was present there that night for Alan's behaviour?

That inhibitory aspect of the lie has worked to some degree in the past for those who hoped for that secondary outcome, simply because I was stupid enough to fall for it, my own damn fault for being so stupid. No more. I avoided the AC FR because I personally find the HOB FRs distasteful, not because of any unwillingness on my part to provide a convenient excuse to those who need such an excuse to explain Alan Doyle's disinclination to offer them one more pound of his flesh on yet another night. They'll just have to seek elsewhere for such excuses, for that night and for any and all other nights yet to come. Or they can go ahead and continue right on with the lie...it's no longer affecting my actions one way or the other. Life really, truly, is far too short for such nonsense, and more fool me for taking so long to figure that out.

Hello, Mari. Are you by chance channelling my Mom? What you said about knowing your friends and who to befriend sounds so much like what she would have said in such circumstances. It's really good to hear "her voice" again that way - thank you very much for that. Priceless, indeed.

Yes, good can come from bad, a necessary part of the balance of life, since bad can most assuredly come from good. Sometimes things are damaged beyond the capability of fixing them, but other times learning to live with damage and be the person we want most to be regardless of that damage winds up making us stronger, maybe even helping us to become that person in ways we might not have if not for the damage. Stubborn optimism, as always.

Yes, I wish good would come from good more often than it does too, especially given the frequency of bad coming from bad. But I'm more than willing to accept good no matter where it comes from. Your comments, and those of the rest of you - the public and the private ones - have been good that's come from bad for me, and I thank you for them.

On a separate note, a quick answer to the Anon who wrote the lengthy missive: If your sole "evidence" for why there "has to be" a restraining order on me is a carefully vague FTR about cameras written four and half years ago, then all I can say is that I hope to God for the sake of any poor defendant that you never get picked for jury duty. Or that you never find yourself facing a jury that has as low a standard of "proof" as do you, alhough I could see some karmic justice in that outcome, I must confess.

Alright, I am still of a mind to say "Goodnight" to this topic. I am off now to finally write the next entry and to say what I have been putting off saying for the past few days.

[lynda]

The combination of a comment made here and an email received tonight has convinced me that the best thing to do is permanently close this entry to any further comments. It's simply a matter of enough - perhaps more than enough - having already been said. It's time to shut the fuck up and deal (in lieu of that ledge).

I sincerely appreciate the input from everyone, and I do mean it when I say "No more" to further discussion about this matter on this blog, so please do not get offended if any comments you make about this matter in subsequent entries wind up edited or unposted.

Again, life is too short not to spend as much time and energy as possible on what matters the most to us. Fan Wars are most definitely not one of those "most matters" to me, and the only ownership I am interested in is owning the freedom to care about who are dear to me. Point taken.