"Yours And Mine": First Great Big Christmas Show Thoughts: New Music - Two Wonderful New Songs & A Cute Christmas Present Alan Isn't Going To Be Getting

Starting off with the sweet and silly:

When I was finishing up my Christmas shopping the other day, I came across this delightful little spoon and immediately thought of Alan And The Innocent Spoon.

If ever there were a perfect little Christmas stocking-stuffer for Alan, this would have been it...if I hadn't wound up holding onto it myself (along with the matching fork, which reminds me of a shirt I saw that said Spooning Leads To Forking). Oh well, they do say  that it's the thought that counts the most when it comes to gifts, and the thought was definitely present and accounted for. I may be the one holding onto it, but it's already become Alan's Innocent Spoon to me.

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And moving along to the sweet and serious, no better place to start than with a few beautifully written lyric lines of a brand new song.

And all we'll remember,
A simple surrender
Just in time.
I wonder if you love me tonight - "Tonight," Alan Doyle/GBS (not sure yet with either new song if they're written solely by Alan or collaborative efforts)

I really should have written these first thoughts about the Great Big Christmas Show when I got back last night; I had way much too much to drink (actually, not much at all by normal-person standards, but I am a lightweight little pansy of a drinker and should also know to be careful when I have not eaten), and I could have used intoxication as an excuse for whatever I wound up saying. Now it's the stone-cold-sober (if still just a bit queasy) morning-after, bright and sunny again now that the storm has faded away, with not a single culpability-shifting excuse in sight. I am going to have to take full responsibility for whatever I say now.

I can live with that.

The GBS Great Big Christmas Show at the Delta last night was mostly about having a fun time with all of those who were willing to brave the bad weather and worse streets. Fun it was - it was difficult not to laugh each time I looked at Sean, who was filled to the brim with holiday cheer - and I have my usual quota of photos and videos of and comments about some of that fun and good cheer, which I will put up here eventually, probably fairly soon, but just not on a morning-after sort of day I don't think. No, for the morning-after day, I think I'll just injudiciously pour my heart out instead. That, and put up a few video download links for the brand new GBS songs, which might also be injudicious but I don't think I'm going to have any more success deciding against doing the one than I'll have deciding against doing the other. And not a drop of alcohol handy for the blaming.

Once more, then, unto the breach, dear friend. I'm not sure if it's alright to put these up since they are brand new songs, probably still being worked out for performance mode and the capabilities of my little camera do not come near doing justice to the sound. Though I am sure these songs will be YouTubed by others soon enough with even lower-quality results, regardless of whatever I do. Still, I am not sure, which seems somewhat of a constant state these days. There are so many things that I am not sure of and do not understand, so much so that all I can do is work my slow and stumbling (and occasionally mouthy) way to accepting those things even without understanding them, and then to hold on tight to what is wonderful and to what I love. Both of these songs have already claimed their rightful places among the Wonderful and the Loved. Of this, I am most definitely sure.

Tonight, Alan Doyle/Great Big Sea, Great Big Christmas Show, Delta Ballroom St. John's, 2007  (249 MB, End Of 7 Joys Of Mary as Intro)

Oh Yeah!, Alan Doyle/Great Big Sea, Great Big Christmas Show, Delta Ballroom, St. John's, 2007   (120 MB)

If it's wrong to put these links up, I'll have to hope that I woke up today safe in Alan's Kingdon, all sins forgiven and all consciences clear. Not having a heavy head would be just fine with ne too. Now all I need are directions to the hotel.

We got to the Delta early for two reasons: To eat supper - which did not happen because of the nonexistent table service at Mickey Quinn's, hence the post-show intoxication - and to see if we might perhaps hear sound check. That one did happen, and what an amazing sound check it was: from the first few strums, it was clearly a new song to start out with, and when Alan began singing the lyrics of Tonight, it was even more clear that this was going to be another one of his straight-through-the-heart songs that carry the full and piercing power of emotional honesty coupled with skilled craft.

There are moments you realise are going to be unforgettable while that moment is still taking place, and this was one such moment, much like others that have now become dear memories. I never hear Walk On The Moon without thinking about standing next to that tiny stage in New Orlean's Parish on a rainy night, and Weight Of A Man will always take me me back to the Burt on a sunny winter's day in Winnipeg; Something Beautiful and When I Am King both bring to mind a Songwriters' Circle at the NAC in Ottawa's spring, and Where I Belong, assuming I eventually have the chance to hear it again, is going to remind me of the encore of a spring tour-opening night in Kalamazoo.

Tonight will bring to mind an indelible memory of a snowy, windy, rainy holiday evening at the Delta in St. John's, a double memory of the time I heard and saw this song during the main show and likely even more so the time a few hours earlier when I first heard it, when it first cut its way straight through my heart, standing out in the Delta hallway, listening and watching through the small opening between the closed doors while Alan sang. Standing there and seeing the same songwriter, hearing the words of the same man, I saw on television six years ago, still to this day a bit disconcerted about the way those years have again and again revealed the man as being all of what I immediately believed him to be that very first time I saw him, with nothing more to go on than a handful of his songs and how he performed them, and perhaps that blush after his "four Alan Doyle arms" witticism too.

It was enough; it might be the single most perceptive judgement call I'll ever make in my life. Listening to this newest song, watching him perform it, I was wondering if it had been instinct or hunch or maybe even a purely lucky guess that caused me to recognise him six years ago. And I was wondering most of all how any person being asked the question in the song he was singing tonight could possibly have any answer for him other than "Yes," a "Yes" for each and every Tonight.

And then after a bit of technical discussion back and forth about how to play and when to do the songs, they all started into Oh Yeah, and the more I listened, the wider my eyes got and the farther my jaw dropped. The same effect would be widepsread throughout the ballroom crowd when GBS came out and plunged into this song for their first encore. When Alan said "unlike anything we've ever done" about some of the songs on the new CD, I think he might have been talking about this song, assuming it winds up on the new CD. Wherever Oh Yeah winds up, it is indeed unlike anything Great Big Sea has ever done....and it is absolutely and unequivocaly marvellous - eye-opening, jaw-dropping, arse-kicking, heart-pounding marvellous. It shakes, rattles and rolls me in all the right places, and I know some others who are going to be shaking, rattling, and rolling in exactly the same right places.

So the combined result of the two new songs left me dazed and amazed with an achingly tender heart. Now that is truly excellent songwriting. More and more, this CD is looking to be something very special, whichever of these songs winds up on it, and more and more I am thinking it might be true that the best is yet to be. I hope so. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather see that happen to. That is the gift I hope the most does get given, for each and every Christmas that lies ahead.

All this, and what Alan said was considerably more than $50,000 raised in support of Daffodil Place. These are the among those things that do make sense, the things to hold on tight to and be sure of. Along with an Innocent Spoon and a six-years-tested-and--proved moment of impeccable judgement. The Wonderful and the Loved; plenty of both to keep my hands full.

I have more videos - a few little Christmas carol singalongs, a really cute Excursion, an as-always glorious Straight To Hell - and of course pictures, set list, etc, and some shots and words about The Novaks - who played a good opening set and made a few of the funniest comments of the evening - as well. All these things soon enough; for now, since we've gone past the morning-after and are presently sliding into the afternoon-after, I'm thinking a nap might be a wise choice.

Before that though, perhaps one more viewing of the Tonight video, and one more time for this too, before all the talk turns to celebrations of the New Year:

Happy Christmas, again - with love, again.

Comments

[Marianne]

Oh my! I LOVE "Tonight". I know what you mean about only one answer and it's yes. It's like Boston "Can you love me anyway?" Well of course, you silly goose. The other song is rendering me temporarily speechless. Alan sure sounds sexy though!

Thanks so much for these videos Lynda. I think it's good to be able to see them now, It makes me want to buy the CD way more, not less. It'll help for knowing the words to sing along too.

Happy Gnu Year!
Mari

[lynda]

Hi Mari - I'm glad you're enjoying the new songs, and thanks for what you said about putting up the links. It's pretty much how I see it too, despite the lack of being sure about it. If the new tunes were weak, then maybe I'd hold back. But they aren't weak...they're great.

And you're right - it is always good to be able to sing along. The "You and I, wait and see/A single note don't make a melody" in Tonight is going to be great for singalongs, and I cannot wait to hear a loud and rowdy crowd bellowing "Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah" with Alan. I thought it was really cool last night to hear some of the people around me singing along with Straight To Hell, even though this was the first time they've played that tune in St. John's.

God, yes, Alan is sexy on Oh Yeah, especially that how-low-can-he-go growl. I understand "speechless" completely. You know how when a bass guitar is played loud you can feel the vibration inside your body? That's how that growl of his affects me, and the reaction goes all the way down to my toes when he plays those big power chords on Les while growling. This song is going to work crowds up into an absolute frenzy, and I can't wait to see it happen.

Tonight gets me twice over with the urge to shout out a loud and resounding "Yes," (or maybe an "Oh yeah") first with that chorus line, and also with the "Are you on my side/My dark and lonely side". I nearly let out an embarrassingly loud "Yes" in the Delta hallway when I first heard those lines. Any song that can move a listener that much on the first hearing is very impressive.

What's most striking about Oh Yeah is its sheer power, definitely a sexual power. There are some very interesting lyrics there too, as much of them as I can make out. And what a hell of a hook.

Tonight has the wallop of emotional honesty, some gorgeous lyrics, and a beautiful melody line. I was just talking to David a few days ago about how frustrated I am with otherwise-talented songwriters who don't seem to think there's much use in crafting an excellent melody line. GBS, generally and individually, has/have always been good with melody lines, Alan the most of all and he's done it again with this song.

Sexy growling, screaming power chords, emotional honesty, lovely melodies. It's looking more and more like exciting times ahead sometime "in the first part of next year" as Alan said vaguely.

Happy New Year to you too.

[Stephen]

The second song has a killer sound. If they get that played on the air they're going to open up a new set of doors for themselves but a few doors might slam shut in response too. Is this really on the new CD? Is it newer than that?

I liked the first song too. It sounds like the kind of song that could really catch on. You were pretty sharp six years ago, I have to admit.

I didn't have a chance to tell you and your email must be full because I keep bouncing back, but I want to say I'm sorry for your recent loss. When I heard I thought about how much its got to hurt, and I hope you're doing all right now. Don't forget there are alway some of us here to talk to if you need to.

Do you have a wild NYE planned out? I think we're goin over to the Needle if it stays dry.I'm wishing for a New Year where you get the use of all ten fingers back and I get the holy hopping hell out of this prison cell of an office (they're still promising).

Stephen

P.S. I'm gonna guess your blog's been hammered because of your videos but I notice not a soul on the GBS board has said a word about downloading and listening to the new songs. I hope that amuses you as much as it should.

[Lynda]

I agree about the doors, the opening and the shutting. Whenever artists expand beyond the boundaries some want to keep them within, there will always be those who just say "no". But heading toward new horizons also always attracts new people who will say "yes".

And there is always the hugely important matter of artists being able to create and perform what gives them the most pleasure. I think you'd have to be both blind and deaf not to know beyond a bit of a doubt that performing Oh Yeah gives Alan a great deal of pleasure. Even if what he was performing wasn't giving me my own great deal of pleasure too, I'd still be delighted to see him doing whatever was making him so happy. It's flat-out wonderful to be able to get my own pleasure and see his too, though.

You better believe Tonight is catchy. I can't get it out of my head - first the bridge, then the chorus, then the verses. Perfect evidence of a great melody line. I've been doing a whole lot of shovelling the past few days - three turns at shovelling out the driveway in the past 24 hours because of that frigging plow, which I can hear out there again right now - and I keep catching myself shovelling in time to Tonight as it plays and replays in my mind. (To be honest, the fact that I keep watching the video might be playing a small role in how much the song is in my head too.)

I've really been thinking about the lyrics of Tonight too; as is always the case with Alan's songs, what sounds so purely and simply sweet on the surface has ripples and eddies in the currents right below that charming surface, there to be seen if you know to expect them and are willing to look for them. He writes songs that are like the man he is (even many of his co-writes), and that is both fascinating and endearing. And it makes for songs that are also easy to love.

I am not at all sure how new these songs are or if either or both will be o the new CD. Alan did not say anything specific during the show; you can see on the video that there's no intro at all for Tonight - they segued directly fron 7 Joys into it - nor did he talk about it after. Same with Oh Yeah, which was the opening song of the first encore. All he said during the show was that the CD was coming out in "the first part of 2008" (which sounds rather carefully ambiguous to me) and that they'd be doing some new songs this show. The only song he specifically said would be on the new CD was Walk On The Moon, but then there was also no talk before or after Straight To Hell, which opened the second encore and then was followed right away by Old Black Rum.

Going mostly on impressions, it seemed a bit like they had not played Tonight very much as a group, based on things like the way Alan checked off with each of them before starting and then looked back to cue Kris on when to end. And the discussion during sound check made it seem that way too. Still, that doesn't mean the song might not be on the CD and they each recorded their parts individually, not ever really all playing it together at one time. Or maybe it could be on the CD and Alan and Hawksley did most of the work together. Hard to tell.

Oh Yeah felt like they might be more familiar with all playing it together, but, again, that's just impression, not fact or information.

So I am not sure about what will be on the CD. I wanted to ask Alan about it after the show, but I was so wary of being intrusive with his time with friends and family - and maybe even more wary not to show any similarity to the rapacious CFA GBS Fan duo that set themselves up in prime target-acquisition position - that I held back and didn't ask about it. Which was probably foolish of me, in retrospect; God knows prime target-acquisition position sure paid off well enough for the strategically located pair of pursuers, all-too-predictably so, same as it ever was. All it would have taken was to be equally self-absorbed and determined to find out about the CD, maybe about Jacksonville too.

There's not all that much reward in GBSLand for trying to be considerate or wanting not to be intrusive off stage, especially when it comes to getting answers to questions. The meek may indeed inherit the earth one day, but in the here and now they pretty much suck hind tit in GBS's world, where insincere assholes and greedy graspers always win the day. Always. It's just how things are in GBSLand, which is why I don't think very much of GBSLand a lot of the time - ass-backwards place that it so frequently is, a place where, more often than not, the less people give a shit about anyone other than themselves - even more so the less they give a shit about any performers as people - the more welcome, or sometimes just tolerated, they usually are.

That's never seemed particularly sensible to me, though I guess it might be argued that a lot of the time it's pragmatically unavoidable; I've been around enough of the same kind of people to see merit in that argument, and also to understand that it is far safer to generalise and not take chances that could lead to yet another disappointment. But even if all that is true, there's still a difference between seeing something as being situationally unavoidable and seeing that thing as how it must be all the time because it's just How Things Are. It's that latter notion that at times makes GBSLand a less than spiffy place in my eyes.

I do still have a lot of hope and affection for Alan Doyle Land, though. I really like that place you can sometimes find him when he's not all tangled up with those who want him to be nothing more than the Great Big Sea Guy, because that's the Guy they need to use to get what they want out of. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him when he's in a place where he's got family and friends expecting him to be the person they allow him to be, and then there's also pursuing fans expecting him to be the completely different person they allow him to be. But I guess I can imagine it enough not to want to add to it.

I don't know...maybe I'm just feeling bad because I am still carrying that same unasked question around with me, still not having asked it even after having worked and re-worked it to the absolute pinnacle of succinctness, my version of succinctness, at least. But what's the point of asking a question about something genuine and real if you have to act like some grasping and insincere user just to be in a position to be asking it? Being the one kind of person would seem to preclude having the other kind of conversation. I guess I really need to find a way to reconcile that conflict, or I will be carrying this question around with me forever.

At the end of the day, though, I think what I regret most about backing off this time even more than not learning about the CD was not telling him how wonderful I think the new songs and the way he performed them are. But I suspect he already might have known I thought that. You know well enough how I don't have much of a poker face.

Thank you for your sympathy and offer of a willing ear. I really do appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness, good timing for both. He was cantankerous and difficult, but I am going to miss him and it's still hurting an awful lot, probably partly because of the connection to both my Mom and my Dad. My Mom got him and his brother three weeks after my Dad died; taking in and caring for two tiny kittens was something that helped her deal with her loss.

When she died, we took in four cats and a dog and TJ was the last cat standing, the final one of her pets still here. It's hard to let go of that connection, and it happening right at Christmas doesn't make it any easier. But he had a very long life and he went fairly quickly and without too much discomfort, and that part of it is so much better than it might have been. I wish the others had been as fortunate. I wish my Mom had been as fortunate. I wish so many could be as fortunate. And I'm thankful it was at least that way for one cantankerous, cranky old fart of a cat who I am going to miss very much.

So, yes, I am alright, and thank you very much for asking and for caring. And I promise I will go clean out my inbox so my emails stop bouncing.

I hope it stays dry for you so you can enjoy the fireworks. But it was dry last year, wasn't it? So the odds aren't good for this year, sorry to say. Not really a wild night planned here, but I'm hoping for a nice one...first a family get-together/supper, then a neighbour's party, and then I'm hoping to go see my second-favourite GBS merch man (emeritus) and his band play a few tunes.

Yes, the blog's been hammered, normal traffic close to double. No, it doesn't really amuse me, but it doesn't perturb me either. I'm not sure if I can explain this properly, but it's more like a feeling of relief. The one thing I really want to happen - for people to be able to hear these great new songs and see them performed - is clearly happening. The thing I really do not want to happen - to have what I do or who I am yammered on and on about by people who know next to nothing about either topic - is not happening. I like that part of it.

Yes, I wish there could be some intelligent conversation about the new songs, but that's not very likely to happen even after everyone has seen them done at shows and there's a thousand videos floating around. So it's not as if anything that could exist isn't happening. I can't say I like that part of it, but I have sure come to expect it, more or less to accept it as well.

As long as people listen to the music, that's good enough for me; the songs can speak way the hell more eloquently for themselves than fans can speak for them. And I sure don't mind not having to hear anyone speaking against them.

Happy New Year to you, and I do hope they come through and set you free from that shitty office. As for my thumb, I have discovered, somewhat to my chagrin, that for a leftie, having a right thumb that will not bend does not at all prevent one from being able to shovel snow. And shovel snow again.

[Laura]

Have a happy new year, Lynda! You should make a resolution not to let assholes bring you down anymore. They're always pushing everywhere, not just with GBS even if fans are worse about it. I don't think anybody ever gets all the way free of them anywhere. What you should do is be who you are and focus on what's important to you and let the assholes keep right on being who they are but don't let them get in your way! You can't change them or get away from them so you might as well ignore them. Sometimes when something's really important you gotta push a little, honey. It's kinda like the birth process. You should make that your #2 resolutoin.

It took me a long time to get "Tonight" to d/l because Mega was all messed up but now that I have it I think its great. I hope its on the CD and future shows because I want to see it live. Alan is so cute and sweet singing his heart out and I love how Sean led the crowd clapping. They keep coming out with good new songs.They don't sound like they're running out of steam yet after all these years. "Oh, Yeah" is way steamy. :D If I think Alan's hot during the song he must have about made you lose consciousness. :P

I'm really sorry to hear about your kitty. *big bear hug* We know were going to be devastated when we lose the Meathead. The older he gets the more I think about it. But I'm glad we've been able to love him for as long as we have. That's what's best to remember. You took good care of your mother's kitty as long as he needed it. That's what important.

Staysafe tonight and have fun. We're old fogies who are having friends over for dinner then staying in for the evening.

L. <3

[Lynda]

You make some really good points, Laura, stuff I appparently need to be told on a regular basis. Thanks for covering this round. I'm not usually big on making New Year's resolutions, but these two are serious contenders.

I've been thinking pretty hard the past few days - I always think hard here; it's like this is somehow a place that won't accept any less than that - and one of those thought processes has been about how much time I have spent over the past few years being appalled by how the people I'm around a lot treat the other people I'm around a lot. It used to be shocked and appalled, but not much shocks me anymore; a lot of it does still appall me, though.

Maybe the Third Resolution could be to see a bit more clearly and be appalled a bit less often. The energy that goes into being appalled is pretty much wasted; much better to expend that energy on compassion and understanding for those on the receiving end of bad treatment.

(Yes, I self-edited here and took a big chunk out of what I originally said. The more I thought about it tonight, the less I wanted to run even the tiniest risk of causing any trouble that might result in the slightest dimming of the brightest and sweetest smile I've ever seen. Just because you figure something out does not mean you have to blab about it publicly...another step in the very slow and bumpy process of learning a bit of self-restraint for the sake of someone else.)

I'm glad you got the videos downloaded. What was the trouble Megaupload was giving you? If it's the "file temporarily unavailable" message, that's just their servers being too busy, I think. And you do get that message more if you have a free account. Let me know if it's giving you a different kind of hard time; they do have a help desk and I guess I can be a self-centred, demanding customer every now and then since I do have a paid account with them.

Hah, I very nearly forgot to breathe altogether during Oh Yeah. If I hadn't already heard it the first time out in the hallway - where there was quite a bit of "Oh my God he is so sexy" oohing and aahing going on - I very well might have gone down for the count during the show.

Isn't it wonderful to see more and more good music coming from then? They've gone such a long time without putting new stuff out - 2004 and Something Beautiful - and I have missed hearing it so much. I did come to love The Hard & The Easy, especially seeing some of the places the songs came from, but I am always going to love their originals most of all. Yeah, of course, especially Alan's. But I'd like to hear Sean's and Bob's originals too, even more to hear how they sound being done by them all. There is such good songwriting skill in this band; I'm still wishing they'd follow up their last Evening With Great Big Sea tour by doing one now that is comprised of all their original tunes. Wouldn't that make a few heads explode?

But I'd still trade even that off in a heartbeat if it meant A Bastard Of D'yles would become a reality. That goes beyond wishing; that's hoping and it's not going to stop - not until the hope comes true.

Thanks for your kind words about TJ. Give Meathead a big hug and a doggy biscuit from me, will you please?

Have a nice night tonight with your friends. I may wind up safer than I wanted to be tonight...there is another storm heading in, bad enough that they've postponed the fireworks till tomorrow evening because of the high winds. It's just started to snow and it sounds like it will be continuing for some time, so we'll see about what's on the go for later tonight. I might wind up spending it working on pictures of a sweet-faced man who is the dearest awkward pretender in this life, and one hell of a great songwriter to boot.

[Kath]

I'll fess up to saving the videos. Wahoo!! :>D These are great! I can't wait for the CD, the sooner the better. Now where are the PICTURES? I'm like the spoon, I want MORE! MORE! Just ask the goddamn question, Lynda. Whatever it is has waited long enough to get said, right? You know what happens to he (her) who hesitates.

I met hundreds of GBS fans over the last decade. There's maybe a dozen of them I'd want to be around. The rest make me want to get away as quick as I can. Poor b'ys. They killed off the OKP good, didn't they?

Have a Happy and stay safe in the snow! No more headbanging for you!! Be careful.

[Leslie]

Lynda --

Happy New Year! I've been randomly poking my head in over here ever since I ran into you in CT this summer. I wanted to thank you for putting up the video for Tonight. This CD is going to be quite something when it finally comes out, isn't it? I didn't d/l the second one, as I want to have something new to surprise me (hopefully) when they play in NYC in a couple weeks. Are you going to that show? If so, hope to see you there. Take care.

--Leslie

[lynda]

Hello, Leslie, and Happy New Year to you too. It's really nice to hear from you, and it will be even nicer see you again too. I'm glad you enjoyed Tonight, and I understand perfectly about wanting to save something to be surprised by at the show - I guarantee you that if they do Oh Yeah at the Bowery, you are going to be surprised. You should have seen my face when I heard it first in sound check. Surprise followed immediately by absolute delight.

I do believe the new CD is going to be remarkable, even though it's still not sure which of the new songs will or won't be on it. No matter, really, since all the new material coming out is sounding so good. I think whether it's something we will have heard or not heard, what is on the new CD is going to be fresh and new and delightfully surprising. There are some wonderful times and music - and some great concert performances - ahead in 2008.

Hello, Kath. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the new songs too. I should have the start of the pictures from this show up soon. I've been waiting till the blog traffic dies down a bit so the video links stay easy to find, and it's still getting hit pretty hard. And there's been a lot of holidaying going on too.

But today is a truly shitty weather day and it might be excellent timing to start working on editing photos for the next entry. I've got the rest of the videos uploaded, an interesting article about Daffodil Place, and a few words about a thought-provoking interview with Alan I caught on television yesterday...add in a few pictures from the start of the show and that should just about do it.

If the weather stays this shitty the rest of the day (actually, I think it is supposed to get worse) I just might have something up by tonight or tomorrow morning. Depending on how much I have to shovel and whether we decide to brave a walk down for a pint and some supper. Probably a lot for the former and not likely for the latter, but time will tell.

I think I'll just move the video links over to the right column, same for those old Christmas files when I put up the new entry. That way, folks can find whatever they're looking for easily enough.

So try to be a patient little innocent spoon and more will come. Which is how things should turn out for each and every patient little innocent spoon. I really like that spoon; it's going to get added to my carryalong travel items, I do believe. Everyone should have their own personal talisman of hope with them, especially one that makes them smile each every time they see it and take hold of it.

I'll have you know that I did make a resolution, two of them in fact. One was to get that quesiton asked. The other would follow straight after that, and is going to stay private. There's an interesting question: Why is it that you are supposed to shout out your New Year's resolutions to the whole world but if you tell your birthday-candle wishes (or wishes made upon a falling star, tossing a coin into a fountain, etc.), those wishes won't come true? Because wishes are beyond your control but resolutions are not? Is that the difference? If you have the power to make it happen, does saying it aloud help make that so? The Word made Flesh, perhaps?

Sorry, wandering around, again. This kind of weather does that to me.

I'd guess that by now my tally of GBS Fans Met is probably in the thousands. Jerks aplenty, some just nasty assholes and some really frighteningly unhinged, to be sure, but I have met some really great people too. Some of the people I am closest to today are people I've met via some kind of GBS connection, and I also don't let the fact that I might not get along with some others or the fact that they don't think much of me keep me from recognising people who are good folks regardless.

There are a lot of good folks out there, but as is the case with almost all groups of people, it is often much easier to notice their opposites because we (all of us) tend to take good behaviour for granted and notice bad behaviour because it pisses us off. And so many times (not all, but many) the very nicest and most decent folks are the quiet ones who don't push themselves forward, so their niceness and decency are way too easy not to notice.

And a lot of it is impacted by which people you wind up being around. If you are on a message board that is founded on a bitchy, hostile "We define ourselves by saying we're not like all these other people we can't stand" premise, then chances are you're going to be seeing a preponderance of negativity.

If you are associating with fans whose main purpose of their fandom is to seek out and obtain personal interaction with people who make their livings up on stage, whether or not those people want to have interaction with the seekers, chances are you are going to see the waters as being filled with insatiablly hungry sharks.

If you're around those who come to a particular band looking for a few moments of being happy before having to go back to a place where they are not happy, chances are you are not going to be finding much acknowledgment or acceptance of any challenges or complexities among such people.

So while the negativity, hostility, abuse, predatory behaviour and willful self-lobotomy are all there to be found among GBS fans, so too are kindness, humour, generosity, and thoughtfulness. It all depends on where you look, sometimes on how hard you look.

Sometimes it depends on where you are too. Way back at the start of my going to shows, somebody I really respect told me that if I kept going to shows and kept seeing those shows from right up in front, I was going to wind up totally cynical and jaded from all the shit I would see taking place up there because that was where things got the ugliest. But I wanted to be able to see Alan's face when he performs, and I wanted to feel the contact between crowd and stage, and I wanted to feel safe at shows, and I wanted to be able to take decent photos. And I had a foolishly smug attitude about being able to see things objectively and not let whatever went on up there get to me.

I was right about all of it except the not letting it get to me part of it. It is a wonderful place to be for the performance and for the audience connection, it is an incomparable place to be for seeing and caring and understanding and learning. You can get a few good pictures from there, and you will always find some really good people up there with you, no matter what other kind of people you'll surely find there too.

And I love watching Alan's face, will always love watching his face; Alan's face is the show I love the most, even with how much I also love his guitar playing, and all of their music and playing and performing. That part of it has been wonderful beyond expectation or hope. But it has been at times a terrible place to be when it comes to being face and eyes into the midst of the perturbing and disturbing and cruel, sometimes even the downright scary, side of fandom.

But while it has made me cynical in some ways, it has also made me realise how precious and special the really good people are, and it's taught me to treasure the sweet and unselfish moments all the more than I ever would have before I knew what to compare those sweet and unselfish moments to. Perhaps most of all, by getting a glimpse of how shitty it can at times be and a taste of how repeated incidents of that shittiness can wear a person down and change how they see people and themselves and the world around them, it has given me an immeasurable amount of respect and admiration for someone who can still be generous and kind and open-hearted even after having seen so much more of this shitty behaviour than I can begin to imagine. If not for having seen and gone through a lot of very unpleasant moments, I don't think I'd ever have fully realised just how wonderful he really is.

When Alan does something like he did in Kansas City and brings two little boys up on stage with him, and I know for sure that their mother isn't trying to use her children as pawns to get to him - know for sure that she is a kind, loving, decent, sane woman who is feeling nothing but delight for her children's happiness and gratitude to the man who's making them so happy - those are the moments that all of the ugly shit seems worth it because enduring that shit is what has taught me to understand just how rare and wonderful this good moment really is.

If I didn't have the knowledge of all of the ghastly mothers who do drag their poor exhausted, unwilling little ones around and shove them forward as attention-getting devices for their own despicable selves ground into my awareness by having seen it happen over and over and over so many times, that moment when the dear, sweet man is smiling at the genuinely delighted boy while the loving mother is beaming with unselfish pleasure would not have meant nearly as much to me as it did, as much as it should mean when seen in context of all the other kinds of behaviour.

If I hadn't stood next to and been constantly pushed around by an endless series of interchangeable hard-faced tank-topped predators who have forced their way up to the stage for nothing more than feeding on others to satisfy their own hungers, I wouldn't be nearly so delighted to see Sean look right through a preening pair of them at a recent European show so he can wink at the shy little plain teenager standing right behind the Seanivores, tucked in-between her parents.

The same is true when Kris comes out to stage edge during the last encore and pushes away all the greedy, grabby hands so he can hand his drumsticks to a child who has been pushed around by those same greedy and grabby assholes all show long. Again, it is having the context of how bad it can be that gives the good moment its full significance.

And whenever I meet someone who is intelligent, kind, realistic, considerate, and who thinks about the men in the band as fellow human beings...I know that person's full value within the same contextual parameters.

I guess it would be nice to get to that point without going through a lot of very unpleasant and sometimes really painful moments, but life doesn't seem to work that way very often, does it? Nobody appreciates the sunny day more than the person who's been dealing with awful weather the longest.

It's kind of funny: I'm not sure who you meant by "they" when you commented about the OKP, a reaction that probably says something about my own ambivalence and perhaps that of others too. Regardles of whomever it was you were referring to, I don't really believe the OKP is dead. I think it's going through a change cycle, which it has done periodically several times since I've been reading it, and probably did long before that too.

When I first started reading the OKP, there was one dominant group of people who were, in retrospect, pretty much on their way out of being active there. Not at all coincidentally, the band was going through their own changes at the time, with one big result of those changes being the SoNC CD, which was, not at all surprisingly, not particularly appreciated by a lot of those same people who were "losing the GBS love" on the OKP. Too much change all around, and many of them faded away fairly soon thereafter.

The SoNC CD and tour brought in a new batch of fans, and their tone and attitudes tended to be different from what had gone before, again, alongside behavioural changes in the band members too. Some longtime fans/posters stayed, of course, some went to lurking too. The actual message board itself changed right around the time of the SoNC release too, and that caused its own set of reactions.

Things changed again in 2003/4, following after GBS changes once again. A burst of optimism followed by a long wallow in negativity; I have wondered many times how many people noticed the way the board mirrored the band during that period.

Then it was 2005, the Year Of The Long Break and We're Carefully Nonspecifically Appalled By Our Message Board. The poor little amputated OKP limped along for months after that with a few people keeping it going, but most everyone else took their own breaks too. By the time the hired professional website admins took over in September, it was pretty empty there, fertile ground for another cycle to begin.

Enter the There's Safety In Squee-ing Era. I guess Happy Idiotdom was probably what some people wanted most, but I think more put up with it and played along mostly because they were afraid the whole thing would get taken away if they didn't. New people must have thought this was just how things are, how GBS fans are supposed to act, what GBS wants their fans to be. Unfortunate, that, but it could always be worse.

Then we come to right now. A friend of mine calls the present incarnation the Post-Apocalyptic-Bob OKP because some people are saying that now that Bob has come out in his journal and said none of the band members "monitor" the board and that all they have ever asked is that no personal info about themselves or personal attacks on fans get posted there, all of the people who have posted and postured and pretended there no longer have any reason to continue doing so. (Well, except maybe for trying to get noticed by making inane journal comments).

Since there's no longer any reason to pretend to be a Happy Optimistic Nicey-Nice GBSunshineland Person (instead of a Sour Hostile Negative Bitch) because That's Who The B'ys Want Us To Be, now those who really prefer being SHNBs are choosing to be themselves on other message boards, leaving the OKP rather deserted of late.

Maybe it truly is the end of the OKP as we know it, but I still think it's still more a matter of cycles reflecting changes. Mirrors sometimes distort and warp, but they don't lie outright. What is intriguing me the most as an observer of such reflections and changes is how the official GBS board is moving away from much pretense (and it has largely been a pretense in most instances for quite some time) of being any kind of a genuine community. Something as simple as the inability to sustain a "Merry Christmas" thread is quite telling in that respect.

But if the current movement should lead to the OKP becoming a genuine "message board" - a place where helpful, tangible information about the world of GBS is pragmatically and sensibly exchanged, instead of it needing to be an emotion-laden escape, or refuge, inspiration, or "home" - my own reaction to that would be that it would be both something good for the fan group - most of all in regard to what kind of new fans it would then most appeal to - and potentially a fascinating reflection in the ever-enlightening mirror.

Also, it seems inevitable that when shows start up again, so will posts, partly for purely pragmatic reasons of sharing and exchanging information and details, which is the real value of having a message board in the first place, at least to my point of view. And no matter what the tone of a board or what kind of fans it draws, there will always be posts about what show was seen and what contact before, during or after that show was obtained. That's something that seems to be at the heart of fandom. What is the point of a winning a trophy that can't be displayed to all of those who do have not been equally triumphant?

Frigging long-winded response, I know. You have the misfortune of mentioning something I am in the middle of pondering. Sorry. Shorter answer is that I don't think anything has been killed off, not for good at least. Change, yes, but sometimes change really is for the better. Other times, not so much, but if it's going to happen anyway, you might as well fasten the seat belt in case the ride gets bumpy and then hold on for your life.

I miss that song. I wonder what happened to it and how long before I get to hear it again.

Last point, then I'll wander over to my photo files for a bit: The message board is only a small part of the overall GBS site. If it becomes diminished in "importance" as time goes by, perhaps that might be a good thing, if it also winds up that more of that emphasis and attention is directed toward the band and their music, instead of being overly focused on the place where fans talk for the most part about themselves and their own lives. I wouldn't see that as being at all an undesirable change of primary focus.

A message board that shares information about articles posted about GBS band members and related music and one that shares practical information such as transit options to shows sounds like a great little message board to me. There is plenty of room in the wide world of the internet for all of the other stuff - the squeeing, the bitching, the analysing, the pondering, even the hating (since, even more than the poor, it is the haters who will be with us always)...all of it - elsewhere.

I think I will start the photoediting with one beautiful shot of Alan from Walk On The Moon, the latest in that series of pictures that tell me how right I am to call his the sweetest face of all, as well as the clearest and truest reflection of the place he comes from.

[Stephen]

Thsi sounds good if you can hold onto it. If you're going to continue being around what you've been around the past five years, it might be the way to cope with it. Good work.

[lynda]

Thanks, but you might want to wait a bit before giving me too much credit. Let's see if I can hold onto this perspective, because I don't know for sure either. To some small extent, it's a brand new viewpoint along the Middle Ground Pathway, one just arrived at in the past few days. One just arrived at largely because Necessity kept nipping at my arse along the way, compelling the forward progress, I'll confess.

You know me well enough to know how stubborn I usually am with believing that if you just care enough and believe enough, things will eventually work out in time. There's an underlying optimism in this attitude, a faith that deep down, the world really does makes sense and people really will eventually be reasonable. Maybe people who think this way - me included - are always trying to "understand" what's going on because we have the belief that whatever is happening would be logically conprehensble if only we could find out the facts behind the actions we're trying to understand. Then everything would make sense, or so we choose to believe.

That optimism's already been getting battered pretty badly for some time now, but something happened the other evening (the day of the GBS Delta show, as a matter of fact, not too long before the show started) that really brought me face to face with the insufficiency of having too much faith in some things eventually making sense on their own if you just keep the faith and wait for it to happen.

Now I am thinking there's a fair bit of arrogance in that kind of faith, that perhaps it might instead be more a matter of working hard to do whatever can be done - including changing whatever would be most beneficial to change, actions and points of view alike - to be making as much of an effort as possible to help get the things that mean the most (as well as to help the people who mean the most in their own efforts/circumstances/struggles instead of thinking yourself the only one having to deal with things or hurting) to work out, regardless of whether they do/do not make sense or are/are not comprehensible. It's less a matter of not already inclining toward that resolve, more a matter of it being past time to pull my head out and go beyond just talking about keeping my focus on whar matters...it's time to actually do it.

You also know me well enough to know how pissed off I get to having to make substantial changes in how I go about seeing and doing, but that didn't last much more than a day or so this time, because it's really mostly a culmination (or maybe just a natural continuation) of a process that's been in the works for a few years now. When it's a matter of adapting to survive, most sane organisms find a way to adapt. Maybe not all adapt quietly, but there you go. Better a noisy adaptation than a silent extinction. And when it's a matter of adapting to care more effectively, well, that's always worth whatever effort it takes.

I said it a few days ago here - there's just no time or energy to be wasted on being appalled by the shitty. That time and energy belong to that which merits their investment. And pretending the shitty is not there isn't an option, not for me. Ignoring reality takes the greatest investment of energy of all, and I honestly do not know how people manage to keep such pretenses on the go over extended periods of time. The motivation must be overwhelming, is all I can figure.

So if I have to be keenly aware of all that sucks but don't want that awareness to get in the way of doing what needs to be done in regard to what matters and is worth caring about, to me that means using the shitty as counterpoint to taking appropriate delight in the good, seeing ithe shitty as existing to serve that purpose even while it's happening and then dumping it over the side where it belongs while the good is happening, since its point and purpose has been used up once the appreciation of and pleasure in the good begins. Next round of the shitty (because there is always a next round), repeat process.

Maybe it's not the best way of being honest about how things really are and still focused on and working toward what really matters, but it's the best I've come up with so far. It's not like Middle Ground comes naturally to me by temperament, as you know. We'll see how it goes. But thanks for the approval in advance of deserving it.