"Please God, We Will See You Next Year" - Christmas Presents From GBS Christmases Past, Bob At His Best & Finding What Lies Beyond Deadlines

Christmas here tends to be comprised of generous measures of celebration and contemplation, each aspect enriched by the other - a time for remembering who and what have gone before, a time for being thankful for all that is right about now, and a time for reaching out with hope for whatever might lie ahead. In the spirit of the "learning from the past to better understand the present" notion, I've been going through some old video files, sitting in front of the glowing laptop screen in an otherwise-dark room in a quiet house late at night, watching and listening to four painfully sweet boys singing and playing their way along the earlier paths of their Great Big Journey.

Most of these files are from long before I knew anything at all about Alan Doyle, or Great Big Sea, or Newfoundland, from back in what were my days of narrow boundaries and a well-protected heart and their days of expanding horizons and, my guess would be, hearts that were on occasion both battered and bruised. And on other occasions filled with hope for whatever might lie ahead.

It's been a long time since I watched these video files, and during the first viewing this time around my predominant thought was wishing I could have seen them then - especially that one there, the endearing boy with the eager smile and the determined eyes. By the second viewing, I had realised the truth at the heart of this matter...I see that boy all the time. He is still, and he will always be, the endearing boy with the eager smile and the determined eyes. I can add this to my list of what is right about now, and also to the one about hope for what lies ahead.

This being the official season for sharing, here are links to these videos. The first three are a decade old, and the format and quality are a bit archaic by current standards; each of these three are Real Player files. (If you don't have Real Player, it can be downloaded for free by following the link.) Yes, they are video files, despite their very small size, though they did not seem nearly so small when I originally downloaded them on my own archaic dialup connection back in 2002. My everlasting thanks to Mike Hayes, who played a pivotal role in making it possible for me to learn about GBS's present from GBS's past.

If MegaUpload is being pissy, just try again later.  I think it's a busy time of year for them too.

Mummers Song, Great Big Sea, Christmas In The Valley, 1997    (Real Player Video, 4 MB)

Seven Joys Of Mary, Great Big Sea, Christmas In The Valley, 1997     (Real Player Video, 3 MB)

One Star, Great Big Sea, Christmas In The Valley, 1997     (Real Player Video, 1 MB)

This fourth file is an enduring treasure, one that is especially poignant for me these days. It is either from 2000 or 2001, I am not entirely sure which, and it is very beautiful.

Alan Doyle does Robert Louis Stevenson's "Christmas At Sea,"  2001     (Windows Media Audio File, 2 MB)

And for good measure, here is my video of Seven Joys from GBS's Christmas show last year. 

Seven Joys Of Mary, Great Big Sea, Great Big Christmas Show, Delta Ballroom, St. John's, December 2006     (Quicktime Video, 130 MB)

See? There's that endearing boy, right there, front and centre in the spotlight - same eager smile, same determined eyes. There he is, right where he belongs.

***************************************************************************************************************************

We learned how to stand on a stage and be unafraid, no matter who was in front of you. We learned how to keep going, even if everything broke, we forgot all the words, or we suddenly acquired a world-class case of hiccups. We learned how to play when we were exhausted, enraged, loaded, when we could not hear a thing, when there was no room, when all the strings were gone, when we had no monitors, when someone was leaning on you, shouting the wrong words in your ear, or when you were trying not to spew after an unwisely accepted triple shot of Black Sambuca. - Bob's journal entry, Dec. 22

Bob is at his best when he's thoughtful and reflective, and this journal entry he just put up is a prime example of that strength. What he's written here is intellectually interesting in its specfic details and quietly revealing in its general conclusions. It is writing that reminds me of a good photograph that keeps its main subject in sharp focus while also maintaning clarity in its depth of field, the background remaining tantalisingly visible as well.

I read Bob's words and I watch these old video files, and I think about how long a path it has been for these men over the course of the better part (and I am sure at times over the course of the worse part as well) of two decades. What they have experienced together - the ones who remain and the ones who are no longer present - and how those experiences have shaped them, individually and collectively, are something that can only really be known by the ones who have gone through/endured/delighted in/survived those experiences. For most of us, there are so few people who really know us, who really know not just who we are but why we are that person; while it is always a wonderful thing to encounter others who want to know us and accept us and love us as we are, still, the people who already possess that knowledge about us are priceless.

There are times that affection leads to the temptation of presumption, times that we - some of us, at least, since this is one of my own weaknesses - think we know more than we do about a person or a circumstance. For some reason I can't quite fathom yet, what Bob has written here is reminding me of a time I did just that, a time when I was convinced beyond doubt that both he and I had done harm to what I thought at the time was an innocent and unsuspecting young fan. I was very unkind, and, as I later learned when I discovered that all this "innocent and unsuspecting young fan" wanted was to suck herself up into Bob's good graces, even though that meant also sucking up to the other supposed adult who had most betrayed her trust...I was very wrong. I presumed, without context and without understanding, and I was wrong.  The being wrong is something from which I learned a valuable lesson - always a fundamental part of remembering who and what have gone before - though I still regret the unkindness.

As always, good writing touches the heart and awakens the mind. Bob did well with this piece on both fronts. But I sure do wish he'd told us if that crowd noticed they were getting Lukey every third song.

**************************************************************************************************************************

My last few "contemplation" words before disappearing into the "celebration" aspect of Christmas. According to the post-counter on my blog, this is, a bit surprisingly to me, my 250th entry.  An arbitrary number, to be sure, but significant to me in that it is the arbitrary number I initially chose to be the outermost limit of how long I would keep this blog on the go. When I began here, I was very unsure about the notion of blogging in general - largely because most of the (admittedly few) blogs I'd read to that point were more or less glorified and relentlessly self-absorbed personal diaries - and setting this outermost limit, this "you don't have to go beyond this point" deadline, made it easier for me to begin and continue on with something I initially found quite intimidating.

I've spent much of my life setting simliar deadlines as a coping mechanism for getting through things that intimidate me, things that frighten me, things I don't understand, and most of all, things that hurt like hell. "You need to keep doing this for only _____ time; if it's still bad after that, then it's alright to walk away" has worked well enough for me in many past circumstances; if the hard times were easier by the time the deadline occurred, all was well; and even if things were just holding steady at "bearable," the deadline could always be re-set, the "way out" kept open and accessible. As long as I had an escape clause - a back door, as it were - I could face most anything. As coping mechanisms go, it was reasonably effective. And it was also, I suspect, a quintessentially Southern California - the place where "I'm outta here" should be the regional motto - type of attitude.

But I've spent a good deal of time in other places now, and one of those places in particular is bringing  about its own set of changes. These days I am finding my usual coping mechanism no longer works, its necessary component - an honest and genuine willingness to walk away at deadline's arrival - repeatedly compromised and undermined and now rendered totally ineffectual and utterly useless. Now I am here, and here is where I am going to stay, regardless of intimidation or fear or confusion or pain.

I've been wondering what life without the security of deadlines will be like, how one goes about dealing with what is always going to be there to be dealt with. What I've been thinking about these past few days are the stormiest fishing excursions I went out on with my Dad when I was little; a few times the heaving and the crashing of the sea got bad enough that they'd stick me in a life jacket and hook that jacket to a safety line on the boat so I wouldn't get swept overboard in the high seas. They called it a "lifeline".

I really do like the idea of trading in my deadlines for lifelines.

A Very Merry Christmas to you, with love,

Lynda

(I'll put up the next part of the Grey Cup show/photos before I leave Wednesday morning.)

Comments

[Roger]

Thanks for Mummers! I've been looking for the GBS version forever. I knew those b'ys back in the day when they were still young fellas. It's been an age since I heard anyone mention Big Download Mike too. Are you still in touch with him? How's the bastard doing?

Happy Christmas

[nancy]

Thank you for these,they're wonderful presents. :) Have a grand Xmas! Am I going to see you at the Bowery next month?

[S]

I appreciate you putting these videos here but you must know they're being grabbed up by people who routinely say rotten things about you. Why reward them?

[JoAnn]

Merry Christmas to you Lynda..thanks for all the joy you bring through your writings...looking forward to seeing you in January!

JoAnn

[Ellen]

MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thanks, Lynda!

Love,

Ellen

[Lynda]

I'm sorry it took me so long to put these comments up. Blame it on Christmas.

Roger, it's been several years since I was in touch with Mike and that was just asking him about whether he was alright with however I wanted to used all the files I downloaded from his old site, which was defunct by then. If you didn't know, he went back home, and he sounded like he was doing well. I'm glad to be of some service in helping you find the GBS Mummers video, though more credit surely goes to Mike, and the most of all to GBS. I hope it's a very happy Christmas for you, too.

Nancy, you are very welcome, and wishes for a grand Christmas right back to you.

If you want to send me an email address, I'll be happy to tell you about any of my upcoming show plans, because I know you. But from now on, I'm going to try to keep from saying very much about the same here. There are, unfortunately, people in the GBS fan base who are so fucking batshit insane that they like to "joke" about pushing a person overboard on a stupid ass cruise, and because of that fucking batshit insanity of theirs - as well as at the insistence of a few people who kind of like me - I'm supposed to try not to talk too much ahead of shows except privately to people I know.

Yeah, I know...sad and pathetic, isn't it? And I still say it's saddest and most pathetic of all for the ones who are the most stuck with such people.

On a related topic, in response to "S": Merry Christmas to you, and I hope you enjoy the videos. I don't really care who downloads them, to be honest. The worth of a gift is not diminished by the merit of some of the recipients. And there are a lot of very deserving recipients - why deprive them because of the others?

JoAnn and Ellen, my thanks and heartfelt happy holiday wishes back to you.

You all know how it goes: A Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.

[L]

You don't have to be crazy to be a fan but you fit in way better if you are.

Did somebody mention General Taylor? *taps fingers impatiently* ;P

Cool tree!

L.

[lynda]

I'm glad you like the tree. Isn't it gorgeous? I pilfered it from someone on a Russell Crowe board. I should go back and figure out who it was so I can say a proper thanks.

I'm really sorry I didn't get the next batch of photos up yesterday as I said I would. Yesterday morning was frantic, followed by a long travel day that got me into town on what's called The Flight Fron Hell at 3:30 AM. Then it was time for gift exchange, followed by a little sleep.

But not much, which is why I'm sitting here after noon, still in a bit of a daze, drinking tea and glorying in the blue skies and sunshine on the sea as I look out through the Narrows. I haven't decided whether to put up the next entry before or after the day-after-Boxing-Day shopping for that last special-someone gift I could not find anywhere else, and then there's Welcome Back pints on the agenda, and something later tonight that I can't remember what it is.

Lots to do, and still, here I sit, drinking tea and glorying the familiar view.

Still not sure what happens when, but I do solemnly promise you that by tomorrow morning you will have your General Taylor photos, and Paddy Murphy too. Along with WIAK and Penelope videos and photos. I have one shot of Alan from a very advantageous perspective that is going to get an approving "ooooh" even from you. And lots of Seannie.

After spending the day after Christmas in four airports, on three planes, with multi-hour layovers in Vancouver and Toronto, I think I'd extend your "crazy to fit in" hypothesis way beyond fandom; we were listening to Carbon Leaf on the drive into the airport yesterday morning, and I wound up with Crazy Train playing in my mind for the rest of the day. We are indeed an interesting species.

In the time it's taken ne to type this, my sunshine has begun to move along. No worries...I am still glorying in the familiar view. And I need to go downstairs and pour myself another cup of tea. I'm beginning to feel like writing. You just might have the General fairly soon. Right after those Welcome Back pints. Priorities.