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30 May 2006

"A Picture In My Mind I Never Can Forget"

I'm still feeling more inclined toward pictures than words, so I've been fooling around with the photos from the second show I saw on TH&TE tour -  the third show of the tour itself, since I skipped Stratford - which was at Chicago's Vic Theatre.

I almost chose to do it the other way, to go to Stratford and skip Chicago instead, but my instincts said "Chicago," and no offence at all intended to what I have heard was an excellent show in Stratford, but my instincts were so right. Not only did I wind up with a rare seat on the very front edge of a raised section that allowed me to actually see a show from a ways back (as well as take pictures), but much more important...Alan sang Lucky Me.

As good as the rest of the Chicago show was (especially the RRA singalongs, with Jesse's Girl and 500 Miles, plus an irrefuseable Mermaid capable of winning over even the most stubborn heart for good), every single bit of effort involved in getting there and getting back out again (including the adventure of that overnighter in the Chicago bus terminal) was worth it solely for the chance to hear and see that one song performed. Whenever I get to be there when Alan sings Lucky Me, I always feel like I am very lucky myself. He made it as special as he always does.

Which is not to say the rest of the show wasn't very cool as well, only that Lucky Me was the very best of it all.


So far, I've got only the first half of the show - the "Newfoundland Songs" (mostly so) set - edited and uploaded.

Chicago Vic Theatre - The Hard & The Easy Tour, first set

I'll have the second set - "The Hits" - up in a day or so. Maybe a bit longer. I always tend to linger over the Electric Alan shots. And I'll eventually get it all set up in a photo album here, but those are a pain in the ass to get done right, so it's Photobucket and a link for now.


Here are a few of my favourites, so far.

Sweet Forget-Me-Not, from my un-zoomed vantage point:

Chicago14a


Chicago16



Alan does Adorable during Charlie Horse:

  Chicago20b_1



Alan does Irresistible after Charlie Horse:

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Three Rovers:

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Gideon Brown's big boats (and swift, small boats), blue balls, and Big Instruments:

Chicago30


Chicago27



Sean describes his love for fish:

Chicago33


While Alan has a very faraway look in his eyes, leaving me wishing to follow after wherever his thoughts have travelled:

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And Sean's irrefuseable Mermaid:

Chicago35


Chicago38


Chicago39_1



The River Driver:

Chicago40


Chicago43


Chicago45


Chicago47_1



Scolding Wife:

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Chicago51


Two reasons I love this next shot. The first reason is obvious, and so very lovely. Second reason is because after I put up a closer-up photo from an earlier show of Alan making his usual "When like a roarin' lion she came bustin' down the door" kick he does at this point in the song, a few resident Unhinged Ones started up the tall tale that Alan was intentionally "aiming kicks" at my head. Of course, they at least had the excuse of being Unhinged Ones...much less excuse for those who believed it for no reason other than because they wanted to believe it. But, really, the first reason is ample enough cause to love this shot.

Chicago53


Chicago55



Getting the crowd clapping for Old Polina:

Chicago57



Still Old Polina, and the only man on this planet who makes me think of the word "sexy" whenever I hear the word "bouzouki":

Chicago60


Chicago62



Looking up with approval at the balcony dancers during Lukey:

Chicago65


Chicago66



As I said, more shots from the first set in the linked photo album, with the second set to come in a bit. More words eventually too, but no worries...plenty more pictures to come as well.

26 May 2006

"Don't Close Your Eyes"

Every now and then, I get in a frame of mind for pictures, instead of words. The Brantford photos were quite a struggle because of the abundance of faux fog and my angle shooting across it, but right now, even problematic photos will suit me just fine. Just a few, just enough to serve as a reminder. There are times when all of us could benefit from a reminder, I suppose. At least, I know that this is true for me.


This one I think I like as much as the one that's in the prior post (and again here). In this one, the look in Alan's eyes makes me think he is seeing the full length of the road ahead, and that he is ready to travel every single step of it.

Brantford33_1


Alright, no more words needed.

Brantford5_1

Brantford35

  Brantford6_1

Brantford12b

Brantford14b

Brantford29

Brantford30

Brantford31

Brantford20

Brantford32

Brantford22a_1

Brantford37

Absolutely no memory problems here. Not one bit.


And a few more, just because they are sweet, even if truly shitty in terms of quality:

Brantford28

Brantford17

Brantford8c

More words sometime later, for sure. But for now, no.

24 May 2006

"Like A Dog Wrapped 'Round My Leg"

I'd planned to write parts two and three of "Buying Time" first, then start putting up the photos from the last tour (which would all be edited and ready to go by then, of course), then maybe follow up with Jen's idea and start a "Frozen Moments In Time From The Past Tour" entry, but, as always, I tend to get distracted by all the shiny objects I see along the way, and not much of the plans have come to pass, as yet.

So for now a few bits and pieces, beginning with the one who has the loveliest assortment of bits and pieces to be found anywhere, all of them combining together into the glorious whole, the one who shines right through so brightly as to distract me each and every time:

Brantford22a

If I were into titling photos, I would be sorely tempted to call this one "The Man Whose Reach Is Commensurate With His Grasp".  Or I could perhaps go with something more simple, such as "Imagination's Inspiration," since this photo's led me to three or four story ideas so far. It's one of those photos in which it's all there, for those who choose to see it: the passion of performance, the victory over weariness, the triumph of the climactic moment, the intensity of the performer, the beauty of the man.

Then there are those who can only see "the crotch shot". To each their own, no worries. He does have quite a lovely crotch, as well. As he himself said it best, "It's all your point of view."

This picture is from Brantford - which shows how very far I am away from having photos ready, since I am doing them in show order - near the end of the main set of the first show of the tour. As I said, a picture of a man whose reach is commensurate with his grasp.


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Second point is about comments made to this blog. There have been a number of those that I'm not going to post here, not because the writers aren't entitled to have their own opinions or to express their own opinions, but because this is not going to be a place (by my own choice) where the debate about what makes one a "good fan" (or "loyal" or whatever the adjective of choice) or a "bad fan" is going to take place, at least not the kind of debate that involves being personally pejorative toward one another, or telling someone else how they "should" or "should not" be thinking, feeling, or reacting.

In my "world," disagreeing with the actions or decisions of other people - as well as forgiving them when those actions or decisions have caused personal impact or injury - is as much part and parcel of seeing those other people as fellow human beings as is caring about them, admiring them, respecting them, being proud of them, and supporting them. It is no more and no less an integral part of seeing all of us as having our own strong points and our own weak points, all of us as making our own intelligent decisions and our own foolish decisions.

A variety of personal responses to the variety of individual human beings we encounter in this life also seems a normal reaction to me, and I see no reason why "famous people" should be kept separate from that normal reaction.  One of the most "inhuman" aspects of GBS fanship, in my own opinion. is this insistence that we are all supposed to see and respond to each of five men (or three, depending on one's attachement to the Original Three notion; even four if one is still pining for Darrell) exactly the same way we see and respond to the others, which is simply not how "Real Life" interactions work, at least not in my own real life. Given contact with any group of five men, chances are my responses to that group of five individuals would be across a spectrum that could range from thinking a great deal to not thinking much at all of each or any or all of them. That seems normal to me, or "human". Maybe even sensible. And, yes, the corollary of that would be that each of those five men would likely range in their own responses to the people with whom they came in contact, including me.

It may sound sensible, but the concept does not seem to get much practical exercise. I realise that the men who make up the band called "Great Big Sea" have created their own situation of being seen as a collective entity because of how they have consistently established the presentation of a "united front" as their way of communicating with any and all of those outside the boundaries created by that front. Nor would I argue against the assertion that they have made choices of their own that could be seen as not exactly encouraging a view of them as human beings who merit being treated humanely. But the fact remains that they are still separate, distinct, unique human beings, no matter what collective-entity identity they use to further their business goals or to simplify their necessary contact with outsiders, or even to try to protect their individual identities from those outsiders. And no matter what logical result might be expected from some of their own choices, to me they are still human being enough to disagree with or to get pissed off at - to argue with, to forgive, to like or to dislike - as well as to care about and to be loyal to.

If someone else's definition of "care" or "loyal" is never to question, never to disagree, never to see the individuals for the collective, then those are their choices, same with the choice to view the ones who make up that collective as two-dimensional cartoon characters  (The Happy One, The Smart One, The Moody One and so on) instead of as real, individual, flesh-and-blood men. The same goes for those who get perturbed by the expression of any honest and genuine affection for (or attraction to) any of these men as real, individual, flesh-and-blood men, the ones who think that this somehow violates the manner in which that individual man is "supposed to" be seen and talked about, or how he "should" be written about or photographed, "supposed to" and "should" most often defined in terms of how they themselves have chosen to see and talk about, or write about and photograph, that man.

I do not agree with those choices, but I won't be taking my disagreement over to the places where those choices reign to tell those who have made such choices that I think they are wrong for having done so, or how much I believe these attitudes steal away not only the band members' humanity but their own as well, same with the band members losing bits of their own humanity if they make their own choices to look out the tour bus window and, instead of seeing individual human beings, to see that not-really-human-so-it's-alright-not-to-treat-them-humanely collective known as "Fans/Groupies/Hangers-On" - those whom it is permissible to use or abuse since that's exactly what they're going to be trying to do to you. I'll confess that I have come to understand that latter choice most of all, even though I also disagree with it most of all based on the harm done to those who make it.

I realise people have strong feelings about this matter, having my own strong feelings to match, and if some of the people with those strong feelings want to keep on sending messages telling me how bad a GBS fan I am being (or anyone else who has posted their thoughts here), then they are welcome to do so. I will probably even read all of those messages, out of curiousity if nothing else. But those messages will not be posted because this blog is not going to become that battleground. Been there, done that, have seen the damage that has resulted. Have been part of the damage that has resulted, and have caused my own share of that damage to others. No more. If people have pertinent points to make - as opposed to censure, dismissal, or insults - that might be a different matter altogether.


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And on that topic of the whys and wherefores of Fandom, this was posted over on the Perch, one of the most fascinating message boards I have ever come across, and one populated by some of the sharpest (in every sense of that word) people I've ever come across.

Chip should like this one. (Editing to add: Oh man, I am so busted. It's been "pointed out to me" that Chip sent me a link to this very same piece in a recent comment, a link I obviously never got around to clicking, perhaps from being distracted by another one of those shiny objects, maybe even the Shiny One himself. Oops and mea culpas all around - at least I knew Chip would like it, nice to be a little bit right even when you are making an arse of yourself - but I think I'll go ahead and leave the text up here for all the rest of those who are as lazy as I am and who never get around to clicking those links.)


Websnark: Entitlement And Fandom

Eric: Entitlement and the Modern Fandom

I've said before I'm not much of a webcomics forum-participator. I've joined a number of them, and occasionally I read through them, but often the participants on a given strip's forum (or LJ-Community, or what have you) represent the Fandom more than the fans of that strip, and that's generally not how I want to spend my time1.

The implication in the last paragraph is correct, by the way. There is a difference between the fans of a strip and the Fandom, The fans of the strip are the people who read the strip and like it. Period. It doesn't take much to be a fan.

A strip's Fandom are those people who community-build around their shared appreciation of the strip. In the old days, they made fan clubs. These days, they join forums (Forums? Fora? It feels like there should be some kind of funky plural on that word) and LJs, spread the word, and organize events around the strip.

Let's use as an example the venerable Marmaduke. You remember Marmaduke, don't you? Yes, the one with the dog. A Marmaduke fan (there must be some) likes to read Marmaduke. They find the dog amusing. They might even clip their favorite Marmadukes out of the paper (or print them off the webfeed -- which I just discovered is here. I am now as scared as I have ever been) and tape them up over the ancient and brittle Dilbert cartoons in their cubicle, back from the days when Dilbert was funny.

The Marmaduke fandom, on the other hand, spends a significant amount of time on the Marmaduke forum (the Marmaduchy, let's call it). They have many different discussions on Marmaduke, and on things that have nothing to do with Marmaduke -- to the point that the Marmaduke forum moderators had to create a specific topic for off-topic posts, and have to kick folks there whenever they stray. They trade LJ icons and forum avatars based on Marmaduke art. They collect pithy Marmaduke sayings. They affirm each other and their common love of Marmaduke, and they find close friends through Marmaduke -- friends that mean a lot to them far beyond Marmaduke. This is what the Marmaduke Fandom has given them, and it means everything to them.

The idea, for many of the Marmaducets and duchesses (so clever, those Marmaduke fans -- the guys naming themselves after currency and the girls making a delightful play on Marmaduke's name), is not so much the individual Marmaduke strips themselves, but the zeitgeist of all that is Marmaduke. It's the attitude. It's how Marmaduke makes them feel, and how much they can amplify that feeling in the company of others. It can be terrifically empowering and it can be terrifically satisfying. Right here, in this little community on the internet, Marmaduke is the coolest thing around, and by showing your love for Marmaduke, you're cool too. And as for Marmaduke-creator Brad Anderson? The Marmaduchy provides feedback and, more importantly, validation. It's damn hard to be a cartoonist -- or a creator of any stripe. It takes effort and ego and skill and talent, and you spend a huge amount of time wondering if anyone gives a fuck. The Marmaduchy tells Anderson "yes. Yes, we give a fuck. We give many fucks. In fact, if you want us to, several of us will in fact have sex with you if you want, because you have brought so much pleasure to our lives that we would dearly love to repay you."

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Communities like this are good things, for most of the people in them. They're generally good for the creators as well. They mean something. They mean a lot, really.

I'm in a few Fandoms -- not generally webcomics Fandoms (I spend my time on so many different webcomics it's hard to develop the monofocus necessary to be a good Fandom-member) but other Fandoms. I'm definitely in the In Nomine Fandom, I used to be in the Legion of Super Heroes Fandom (and even quit in verbose disgust when they changed the Legion -- so I'm not claiming any moral superiority here) and I spent time in the Babylon 5 Fandom. I enjoy the SF Fannish subculture, which puts me in kind of that overall metafandom. And I'm occasionally in a fandom for individual creators of webcomics -- I do like reading creator-journals, for example, and I comment a lot more in those than I do in the strip-forums. I'm not wholly immune to fora, either, though I'm a totally arrogant jerk so I spend more of my time in strip-forums seeing if anyone's mentioned Websnark than actually participating in discussions.

But I see Fandoms, all the time. And as I spend more and more time observing them, I also recognize the dark side of Fandom.

Its name is "Entitlement."

The most common lament of Webcartoonists who achieve any kind of following is the overwhelming number of comments they get -- whether in e-mail or on their forums -- demanding things of them. Demanding that picayune mistakes not happen next time. Demanding that characters act the way the fan thinks they should, not the way the cartoonist actually portrays them. Long screeds get published on the forums of how a given plot arc is driving the readers insane and they hate it. And don't get me started on what happens when a webcartoonist actually misses an update. Holy Jesus Christ Without a Spine Curled Up I A Basket, this is a mountain of suck for the cartoonist.

Almost all fandom members feel a certain sense of entitlement. This is normal. This is healthy. This is even slightly legitimate. The overall feeling is "I have invested something of myself into Marmaduke. I evangalize Marmaduke. I spend a portion of my day on Marmadukish things. I affirm Brad Anderson. I deserve some recognition for this." And yeah, they do deserve some recognition. They certainly deserve Brad Anderson saying "guys, thank you so much for supporting Marmaduke. It means a lot to me that you like the strip."

And... well, that's about it. They're already getting Marmaduke for free (or for the cost of their newspaper). They don't get part-ownership of Marmaduke by virtue of liking to read it. And if they offer Brad Anderson sex and he takes it, that just means that Brad Anderson got some. It doesn't mean they get to dictate what Marmaduke would or wouldn't do. The majority of Fandom members get that.

There is a minority, however, that dives into Entitlement, butt naked and way over their heads. They do own Marmaduke, damn it! They've been loyal and they've been true, and Brad Anderson is a total asshole who doesn't really give a fuck about Marmaduke or great danes in general! If he did, he'd do the strip the way we want him to! Dammit! Someone should be able to take Marmaduke away from him, so that Marmaduke could be done right! This can mean anything from Marmaduke doing nothing but cat loving (or cat hating) jokes to redesigning Marmaduke to be female with human breasts, depending on the person in question. This minority is always there, lurking under the Fandom's surface, waiting for prey... and the moment any kind of deviation from the norm happens, they break surface, ready to devour.

The absolute worst examples of this are when they don't like the turn of events in the strip. "You made Marmaduke sad!" they write, truly outraged. "He went to his bowl, and that fucking Pekinese had eaten all his food, so he had no food and he was sad! I don't fucking read Marmaduke to see him sad! He should always be happy!" And then they get into an eighty-post long flamewar with other forum participants on whether or not it was appropriate that Marmaduke was sad.

The problems with the Entitled in a creator's fandom are threefold:

  1. Conflict in a webcomic is a good thing. Bad things happen in webcomics because they either set up situations where the Funny can be brought forth or they set up situations where the Story can be moved forward. Without conflict, the webcomic becomes nothing but a barely connected series of pictures without meaning or merit. If you need an example, have a look at the Simpsons episode where Itchy and Scratchy, bowing to pressure from parents' groups, stop being mean to each other and instead give each other lemonade all the time. Sometimes, the characters are going to do stupid things or make bad choices -- that will then feed the strip material to work with for a long time to come. So get over it.
  2. The Cartoonist is under no requirement to worry about other peoples' emotional state. If you invest so much of your own sense of well being into a comic strip that anything bad happening to the comic strip characters feels like a personal affront, you officially need to get a fucking hobby away from your computer. If the Cartoonist does his strip as his job, his only obligation is to produce strips on time, and try to make them high quality enough so he doesn't alienate his audience. If the Cartoonist is doing this as a hobby or on the side, he doesn't even have that obligation. In neither case does he owe you or me a good life. He probably doesn't even know us. So get over it!
  3. Cry wolf too many times, and those rare times when outrage is warranted it won't be forthcoming. Look, there is an appropriate level of expectation involved in producing art on a regular schedule or basis. If, after 40 years of tenderhearted dog antics, Brad Anderson put in a strip where Dottie is brutally anally raped while Marmaduke is spiked to the floor with railway spikes, you better believe there will be outrage. There should be outrage, in a situation like that. Anderson has given his readers every reason to expect he won't suddenly subject them to a situation like this. But, if Anderson, Anderson's fans, the Marmaduchy Moderators and the support group has gotten accustomed to defending Anderson every time someone has a conniption because the Pekinese ate Marmaduke's food, then as soon as the far-more-justifiable outrage over anal rape and dog torture begins, his support mechanism will out of habit immediately begin defending him, hopelessly muddling the situation.

Just to make everything more difficult, there's also the question of the Creator's relationship to his Fandom. Because despite everything I said above, there's something crucial a creator of any stripe must understand about the Fandom that's grown up around him. The Creator owns his creation, and may do with it whatever he wants, but he doesn't own his Fandom and he doesn't get to dictate to them. Oh, he can try to dictate, all he likes, and the fans who weren't the problem to begin with will happily jump in with both feet. However, the Fandom as a whole is something that the members have invested in, and they do get as much of a say as the creator on how that Fandom is going to go. There are two highly public situations where a creator/owner of a property and that property's fandom came to serious terms, and in neither case was it pretty:

  • White Wolf Studio, owner of Vampire: The Masquerade, had given its blessing and official status to a group called the Camarilla (after an organization in the game) which provided an official framework for developing LARP characters who then could move all around the country. Well, there reached a point where White Wolf and the Camarilla couldn't see eye to eye, and acrimony developed. On the one hand, the company had significant investment in their product line and had to be able to influence their "official" fan club's use of their materials. On the other hand, the Camarilla members and leadership had invested tremendous time and energy into the official Chronicle the group ran, as well as the organizational structure. (This is an incredibly simplified take on the situaion. I know there was far more depth to it.) Eventually, there was a messy divorce between the pair, with the license being pulled and ultimately threats of lawsuits. White Wolf owned Vampire, but the group was more than just a Vampire chronicle at that point, and the bad feelings and rift the breakup engendered extended far beyond the actual event, on both sides.
  • Aaron Sorkin, the creator of The West Wing, began participating in the forums that had grown up around the West Wing on Television Without Pity. He enjoyed greatly the intelligent commentary, the humor, the feeling of community, and the implicit offers of sex he received. And then he started taking heat from one segment of the fanbase. Unlike White Wolf, he had given no official sanction to the group that he could revoke. Instead, he actually put a subplot about insane Internet forums onto the West Wing itself. His intent was to imply the forum participants on TWoP's forums were insane and stupid. His effect was to make pretty much every member of every fandom whether connected to Sorkin or not pissed off. It was one step above making fun of trekkies. Naturally, he did that later on. As a result, even though Sorkin is a brilliant writer who elevated the craft of television writing, there were far fewer tears shed than expected when he lost his job and moved on into... um... well, I assume he spends a lot of time on the Internet himself these days.

In both of the above situations, the Fandoms persisted after the hullabaloo. There is still a Camarilla, and it's still chugging along in Vampire (despite the relaunch of the World of Darkness). And Sorkin's tirade on the West Wing had no effect on the West Wing forums at Television Without Pity at all -- except maybe to remove some of the luster from the show for the participants.

So, in the end it's a two way street. Fandoms are powerful things, good for spreading the word about a community and giving a webcartoonist some much needed positive reinforcement, love, and implicit offers of sex. However, they are their own entities, unto themselves, and will feel some justified entitlement because of the energy they're putting into themselves. Some members of that Fandom will have batshit insane feelings of entitlement, leading them to tirades and demands that no one will think is appropriate, and the webcartoonist might find him or herself hating the very organization that has grown up around the strip in question.

I tend to side with the webcartoonists in these things, by the way. But I understand implicitly that it doesn't matter -- the Fandom will do what the Fandom will do, some asshats will be in the Fandom and will act asshatty, and -- most importantly -- an implicit offer of free sex over the comic strip you create will turn into the most expensive sex you have ever had.

Oh, if you're wondering... Websnark has no Fandom. Critical commentators get to have arguments for free.

1 The case can be made that the entirety of Websnark.com represents my entry into overall Webcomics Fandom, and that any critical commentary I put into Websnark represents my own embrace of entitlement and all the rest. To anyone making that case, I say: "dude, you're not paying for this. I'll do whatever I want." When it's pointed out that that isn't a denial and that I am in fact calling the kettle black, I respond by beating the crap out of the questioner and running in one direction for one hour. Thank you, Superosity, for refining my debate skills.


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Thanks to Secretariat at the Perch for posting this, and to her friend for sending it, even more to  Eric Burns for writing it. And very red-faced thanks most of all to Chip, for being the first one to bring this to my attention, or at least to make the noble attempt in spite of my inattention. Nothing quite like getting my daily lesson in humility.

Marmaduchesses. God, I love that.

Alright, back to photos and writing, as well as still trying to get used to how damn green it is here. Maybe going back and re-reading some of the comments a bit more thoroughly as well. Oh yes, keep trying to avoid those shiny objects too.

23 May 2006

"Buying Time"

All it took was a glance to see they were out of their element at the bus terminal, a combination of that slightly lost look on the woman's face as she gripped her purse tightly up against her body and the intense concentration the man was bestowing on the departure board. He peered up at that board repeatedly, as if each time the departure hour and bay number scrolled by and was the same as it had been the time before, that repetitive constancy was giving him some reassurance he badly needed. She kept her gaze down on the floor, her features composed into an expression of calm endurance. Their bags were piled haphazardly around them.

They had the look of refugees from some disaster, natural or otherwise. All I wanted was to get on my bus out of Toronto and sleep as much as I could on the long road home. I got as far away from them as the terminal would allow.

In Toronto, if you don’t queue up early for your bus - especially for the main run west - you might find yourself a person without a seat who is whiling away a few more hours downtown waiting for the next bus on the schedule. I was headed home for the first time in a long time and I had no intention of whiling away any more hours than I had to, so when it came close to the time that the man had been watching make its incessant crawl across that departure board, I headed out to the assigned bay and took my place in line.

I had been there for maybe all of five minutes when the two of them came up behind me. He tugged on my sleeve hesitantly and asked me if this was where they needed to be to get to Northern Ontario, a beseeching note in his voice, his eyes the colour of Bewildered Brown, straight from the Crayola Box of Life.

And that was how I met Otto and Eileen and travelled a short road with them, five hours in May and a memory that lingers.

We waited together for our bus, her with stoic patience, only a word here and there or a faint smile of gratitude, him with a distracted restlessness, fussing over the way their bags were stacked, asking me again and again if I were certain this was the correct place to catch the right bus, going back several times to make sure the departure board had not betrayed his trust when his back was turned. I got their story in fits and starts, with Otto telling me part of it, then Eileen filling in for him when his attention wandered, and him coming back and starting from where he had left off. It felt like being in the middle of a dance done for decades by two who knew each other’s every move, and I let them spin me around their dance floor in whatever steps they chose, to whatever music they heard.

They had come down from the north to a hospital in Southern Ontario (and I am not using town names for good reason - they live in a small town and deserve their privacy) to see if Eileen could be accepted as a candidate for organ transplant. They came down in Otto’s big Cadillac; on their way back home they had stopped in for gas and the attendant had checked the oil. Turns out the attendant had also failed to put things back as he found them, and as the big Cadillac motored its way north, it did that motoring with no oil in the engine. Otto said the idiot light went off in the car at just about the same time he could smell the burnt engine parts.

They were stranded by the side of the highway for a long time, then after tow trucks and mechanics had their way with Otto's Cadillac, they wound up with an estimate of $5,000 in needed repairs. All Otto and Eileen wanted by now was to get home, so they decided to take the Greyhound and go back to their small town, then a friend would come down with a flatbed tow truck and they would bring that big Cadillac home too, where another friend would do the work for much less than that $5,000 estimate. I asked if they had any children who might help out, and they said no, it was just the two of them, but there was no shortage of good friends in their town.

They were both exhausted, with Otto especially seeming near his limit. During one of his many forays to reaffirm the departure board’s veracity, Eileen smiled and said quietly, “He has a hard time when he can’t make things happen the way he wants them to be.” And there was Otto, summed up in a sentence from the one person who knew him the best in this world. A few minutes later, Otto came bustling back, graying hair askew and a bit short of breath; Eileen reached out her hand and smoothed a few of his wayward hairs back into place. Otto looked into the steady blue of her eyes and brown was bewildered no more. He took a deep breath and smiled back at her.

After we had all found our places on the bus and gotten underway, I looked up and across the aisle where the two of them were sitting. Otto’s head was on Eileen’s shoulder and he was already fast asleep, a small man made weary by all of the things that had not happened the way he wanted them to be. Eileen was holding his hand as he slept, her own eyes wide open and gazing out the bus window as the city slipped by.

We had a few short stops along the way as late afternoon passed into night, and each time I went by on my way off the bus I saw Otto still sleeping, Eileen still wide awake. I asked her each time if I could get her anything, and each time she asked me to pick up some water. I opened the bottles for her each time so she didn’t have to disturb Otto by pulling her other arm out from around his shoulder. When we came into the stop nearest to their own town, she gently shook him awake and they began to gather up all of their belongings.

The layover in this town was a bit longer, so I waited outside with them for the taxi that would take them the rest of their way. When it came, and while Otto was busily getting all of their belongings into the taxi’s trunk - clearly pleased that at last here was a task that was within his power to accomplish - I asked Eileen the question that had been on my mind since Toronto: I asked her if she had been accepted as an organ-transplant candidate.

“No,” she said, in that same quiet, resolute voice she had used to sum up the man she knew better than anyone else.

Having conquered the luggage, Otto came over to us and said goodbye to me and took her arm, as courtly a gesture as was ever made by any fairy tale prince. “Can we go home now, dear?” he asked, his heart and his hope palpable in the way he said the word “home”. And now he was looking at Eileen with that same intense concentration he had shown to the departure board. She reached out her hand again, this time to gently touch his cheek, a touch he leaned into with a grateful smile. “Home it is,” she agreed.

I watched the taxi’s taillights disappear in the distance, and then some. One of our fellow bus riders eventually came out to tell me our bus was getting ready to leave. It was time to go home.

17 May 2006

"So Much Inside That No One Has Seen" - For Alan's Birthday

A few years back, one of my neighbours was telling me about a recent assignment given to her then-middle-school-aged boy. She had thought this a particularly foolish assignment, since what the teacher had asked was for each child to write an "Open Letter" to the recipient of his or her choice, with the stipulation being that it made no difference whatever the likelihood might be of those recipients ever reading the letters - that was not the point of the assignment. When my neighbour had sputtered to her son about what nonsense this was and asked what was the point of taking the time and trouble to say what you think to someone who might never know what you had to say, her boy, who had just completed his open-letter assignment - and who I firmly believe will one day win the Nobel prize for literature - responded calmly, "Yes, mom, he may never know what I think, but now I know what I think."

An unforgettable lesson - for me as much as for that future Nobel-prize-winner - in one of the many reasons Why We Write.

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Birthdays were a big deal in my family, looked at a little like your own personal New Year's celebration, in that they were seen as a time when the birthday boy or girl took a look back at all that had gone before in the previous year and then looked ahead to what might be possible in the year to come. We still got cake and ice cream and presents, but along with those, we also got something else:  One parent would tell you what they thought your greatest accomplishment of the past year had been, and the other parent would give you their best advice for how to face the coming year. They tried to trade off each year with this, but it usually worked out best when it was my dad focusing on past accomplishments and my mon looking ahead to give advice for dealing with whatever the future might bring.

They're both gone now, but that looking back/looking forward birthday tradition lives on after them among a small group of friends and relatives.  Each year, as a birthday comes around, that person can count on getting a letter or email or phone call from someone who cares a great deal for them, someone who has taken the time to think about what has gone before and what might yet lie ahead in their life, someone who will let them know they are being thought of with warmth and affection on their special day.

I approve of continuing traditions that show such warmth and affection to important people on their special days, and I also like knowing what I think. Add those two together, and the result is an open letter to Alan for his birthday, though since I'm on my own for this one, I'll have to take on both the past accomplishments and the advice for the year to come. Somehow, I don't think it will be all that hard to come up with past accomplishments - the real challenge may lie in the choosing. As for advice for the year to come, I may find it more of a challenge to get this finished before that year - or at the very least the birthday itself - has come and gone.

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Alan,

This time a year ago, My Hand, My Heart had just been released on iTunes, and it was nearly time to pack a bag and head to Yellowknife for the first GBS show five months into The Year Of The Long Break, those months having been put to excellent use on both the personal and the professional fronts. Straight from Yellowknife, it was next to Hollywood, and then across the country on what must have been one of the most fascinating road trips of all, one that got very bumpy in New York but stayed the course and ended at that most perfect of all "Mile Ones" - over a plate of mom's fish cakes at home and sharing a stage at O'Reilly's with your friend and songwriting partner. There and back again, yet again...the recurring motif in the life of one talented, determined, exceptional man.

The summer and fall repeated that motif, as well as the one of using the time well, as there was a new album to finish up, then a short series GBS shows, a return trip and handful of shows with TOFOG in Australia, then more recording work back home, all of this followed by a jaunt to France, where at least one pair of eyes was opened wide to a world of new possiblities by the performance of "the new guy, that Canadian fellow" that took place on an auditorium stage in a small town in the south of France. Somehow, "Le Thor" seemed an aptly named locale for the events of that night - those possiblities and potentials had indeed felt like crashing thunderbolts during that performance. The next day in that 2,000-year-old amphitheatre felt more like the post-deluge rainbow's promise.

All at the same time there was more work on a CD that apparently is the most well-mixed CD in the history of music, then the release of that much-mixed CD and the confronting of all of the promotional hoops that must be jumped through.  Not to mention that small matter of a two-month, 20-plus-gig tour up and down the Australian coast, playing with a travelling band that was putting on some of the best shows I've seen in quite some time. You even managed to make it home for the holidays, as well as to start out the New Year playing your GBS role again.

What had to feel like mere minutes after walking off that Canberra Australia Day stage, there you were in Brantford (actually, there had already been that corporate event even earlier, so make that "fewer than mere minutes"), standing on the first stage at the first show of what would wind up being 54 shows and a truly foolish number of miles in just a bit over 3 months, along with more of those promotional hoops to be jumped through along the way, as well as all of those nights out by the tour bus when you were usually the only one, or one of the very few, to take the time to come out and give those interminably patient fans what they were waiting for.

On your breaks in the tour, you came to the ECMAs in Charlottetown, and at your Songwriters' Circle you sang the best song to be heard at that event, bar none. And then you followed that up with the second-best song to be heard at that event. You had just enough time to present an award, collect an award, and then "there" segued smoothly and predictably into "back again"; it would be time for the next segue soon enough as the second tour leg would imminently get underway.

As impressively as you'd spent your "free time" during the one break, you topped yourself during the next one, in Halifax at the Junos. The hockey might have been a rough go, with "valiant effort" being the first words to come to mind in description, but there was no light that shone more brightly than did yours in the City Of Firsts as you hosted that Juno's Songwriters' Circle.  The unique combination of sharing your beautifully-written tunes, interacting with your songwriting peers, and making the kind of connection with the audience that brings everyone into the experience is a role that could have been written especially with you in mind, and you played your part to perfection. You may not have taken home the Juno - and I still think you deserved that one for the body of your work even if maybe not for the specific CD nominated for the award, as well as still continue to harbour my own suspicions that if you were from any other province in Canada, you would already have a Juno or two or three to call your very own - but that in no way alters or diminishes what you yourself accomplished on your own in Halifax that weekend.

Not like you would have much time to bask in the warm afterglow of such a prodigious achievement. Back on the road again - back to being that King Of The Road - for a last hard run, making the clubhouse turn into the homestretch and running the good race all the way to the finish line.  Each show, the weariness showed a little bit more, and each show, so did the determination and the resolve. Each show, that resolve and determination won out over the increasing weariness. You deserve a limitless amount of respect and admiration for that resolve and determination, as well as for the performances that followed after.

And, of course, all of this is merely a recounting of what took place "above the radar," those events and accomplishments that occurred in the public eye. There are also all the other professional activities - film/television projects and writing endeavours and collaborative efforts in recording and producing - that took place out of sight of that public eye, as well as the personal events that happened in what remains of the privacy you so deserve.

But you were the one to make one of those private events - a pivotal one, at that - public, or at least Shelagh Rogers was the one initially. Even if it had not been her, chances are Russell would have never been able to resist the urge to blab, and it wasn't as if much of St. John's weren't already abuzz about it, though the way your privacy has been respected by most, if not all, has been very impressive.  As much as public "Baby Doyle Donation" pleas and "Guess The Date/Weight/Sex Of Alan's Baby" pools give me the heebie-jeebies, it's very difficult to say much at all about the past year or, even more so, about the year to come, without acknowledging how, along with all of your other tasks and accomplishments of this past measured-birthday-to-birthday year, you made the choice to take those first few irrevocable steps out on the one road that goes ever on, no there and back again in this continuing journey: The road of being a Dad.

It's easy to say "This has been a pivotal year for you"; chances are that would be true about most of the years in the lives of many. But this past year has truly been one in which there were "first times" for you, and as far as the future goes, some of those first times from this past year will be impacting your life for...well, for the rest of your life. "Exciting and terrifying" sounds like the perfect description to me, not surprising since those perfect words are your own. It is much less easy to point a finger at any one of your specific accomplishments this past year - though I am sorely tempted to go with your tour de force hosting job of that Juno's Songwriters' Circle, as well as your show-stopping Walk On The Moon...at least until I recall your rivetting performances at Russell's side up and down the Australian coastline...or your heartfelt Lucky Me's, aching River Driver's, masterful WIAK lead solos, and the sweet self-assurance of those crowd-aweing Old Brown's Daughter's all across the North American continent - since you ranged so widely and did so well at so many things.

This happy-birthday tradition runs much more smoothly with those of us who overachieve to a somewhat lesser degree.

The more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that this very act of ranging so widely - not merely in terms of physical distance covered, but rather in terms of all the many roles played and varied tasks accomplished - with such resoundingly successful results overall might be this past year's greatest achievement. If Ron Hynes is The Man Of A Thousand Songs, then Alan Doyle is fast becoming The Man Of A Thousand Creative Endeavours. When the continuing achievement of all those creative endeavours is underscored by the realisation that all these things were done by a man who is increasingly moving away from acting in the ways that he has customarily been expected to act - that foolishly-cheerful-by-necessity-never-by-choice Great Big Sea Guy role - and steadily moving toward giving the world the opportunity to see the intelligent, complex, opinionated, thoughtful, challenging, and immensely talented man he truly is, then that continuing achievement over this past year becomes all the more impressive.

From this single, solitary, admittedly limited viewpoint, you have most certainly had that One Good Year, with that pursuit of Grace paying off for you again and again. You made it a year to be proud of.

The future is, by definition, unknown, investment advisors and cult leaders to the contrary. The only real assurance any of us can take with us on the journey into tomorrow is an honest awareness of who we are, along with a steadfast belief in our own ability to accept and make the most of whatever tomorrow might bring. There are changes looming ahead in this year to come - changes both exciting and terrifying - that go beyond what you, or what anyone who cares about you, can even begin to imagine in the here and now, some of those changes ones you know are coming, and others that will careen into your life with no warning whatsoever. No matter what plans you make, no matter what plans anyone else makes for you, the future will follow its own plot, answerable only to itself, knowable only to itself.  But what can be known in the here and now as well as in the days to come, what can be counted on to hold true in both the present and the future, is that fundamental truth of who a person is and what that person is capable of doing.

My best advice for the year ahead, advice that's based on all that I've witnessed of that public view over not only this past year of multitudinous accomplishments and admirable growth, but of preceding years of much of the same, is as simple as can be, but maybe as hard as can be at times to follow: Believe in yourself. You have convinced others beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can do anything that you set your keen mind, capable hands, stubborn will, passionate spirit, and tender heart to doing. Be sure you have convinced yourself as well.

Happy birthday, Alan. May your year to come bring you all the happiness you so inarguably deserve.

   

16 May 2006

"Hey, Look At Me In The Spotlight"

Before too many words get in the way, one picture. Not the best picture I took on this tour in terms of quality or composition,  but, in my own totally subjective, heart-on-my-sleeve estimation, it's the picture that best embodies the spirit, the hope, the courage, the power, and the success of this most recent tour. The picture is Alan singing Lucky Me as his encore song at the Chicago Vic Theatre show:

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This photo works well as a visual representation of how they all brought their own music to those who wanted to share in the pleasure and delight of it, from Halifax to Vancouver, Los Angeles to Charlotte, Seattle to Atlanta, Tucson to Charlottetown, how they offered up both themselves and that music with an unfaltering belief that it and they would be responded to with all due appreciation, as well as how they responded with their own grateful wonder when that unfaltering belief came true before their eyes. 

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The first word that they were planning to do "An Evening With Great Big Sea" theatre-venue shows surfaced some time last summer, around the time they did that short run of shows in the midst of the "long break" of 2005. It sounded intriguing, but also potentially problematic. Theatre-style shows, as well as theatre-style audiences, are a horse of a different colour (above or below the ice) from their more customary bar/club/rink shows. In the latter kind of shows, if you arrive on stage totally exhausted and/or three sheets to the wind and wearing the same rumpled clothes you've been in for the past few days, and then you proceed in missing your cues, blowing your lyrics, playiing the right chords at the wrong time, or indulging yourself in whatever your mood of the moment might be, chances are none of the above will be much of a problem for a loud, rowdy, sodden, screaming, jumping, clapping, ecstatic bar/club/rink crowd. Chances are next to no one will even notice, especially since the shitty acoustics of the venue itself will help to cover a multitude of musical sins.

One night a very long time ago (at least it feels like a very long time ago) Darrell cornered me after a show and asked me what I thought of how they had performed that night. I knew better than to give him outright bullshit, so I responded as honestly as I could and said I thought it had been a very fun show and that the crowd had loved every minute of it, which it had been and which they did. He snorted derisively at that and responded, "We were a pub band tonight. We're supposed to be beyond that by now." Telling him they had been a very good pub band that night didn't go all that far in mollifying him, nor, I would guess, did all the glowing reviews that were subsequently written about that show, my own included. The more I thought about the upcoming TH&TE tour and all those theatre venues, the more I recalled that conversation.

Not like what would happen should the pub band take the theatre stage was the sole concern. There was also the matter of performance dynamic. When the heart and soul of your band's performance dynamic are passion and energy, a  dissolving of the boundary between stage and crowd and a call for people to join together with you and with each other in communal celebration, the formal (and sometimes stodgy) confines of the theatre can work to distance the performer from the audience, as well as to distance the audience members from one another. You have a much better chance of getting an attentive audience - with all of the potential pitfalls that can go with such attentiveness if your own performance is not at its best, as well as all the potential rewards if it is - but the challenge is finding and maintaining that delicate balance between "attentive" and "involved".

When I went to the St. Catherine's show at the end of this past summer, I was told that this show was more or less a dress rehearsal for the tour to come, with its two-set, first-the-new-CD's-trad-songs-and-then-the-hits format, as well as the new arrangements of some of the older material. They did very well at that show, in spite of clearly being nervous about it all (maybe most so because they would be filming that Bravo segment the next day). I was especially impressed by how Sean handled a share of the audience-interaction responsibility with the winningly adroit charm and sweetly cheerful manner he'd been showing at all of the scattered shows of this "break" year, and was nearly as impressed with the enthusiastic reception given to them by that St. Cat's crowd.  But the thought of them pulling off this kind of show, of the likelihood of them all being able to summon up this level of discipline and concentration - as well as being able to find the audiences who would appreciate those achievements - repeatedly over the course of an entire "regular" tour, was a sobering one.

The more I thought about it, the more I remembered Sean's "We have stupidly huge plans" comment from the interview on the Koolhaus show webcast. Since I happen to have a perpetual soft spot for those with the courage (and audacity) to formulate "stupidly huge plans," I was looking forward to this tour with a mixture of fear and hope, though I will confess to feeling a deficit of optimism, a deficit that grew markedly deeper when the actual tour schedule came out in all of its brutal glory. "Stupidly huge" seemed barely to suffice as description of that itinerary. The potential for disaster seemed to overwhelm the chance for success.

Then I went to Australia to see Alan play a series of shows as a member of Russell Crowe's band, The Ordinary Fear Of God, and what I saw there tilted the balance from fear back to hope for what might lie ahead for GBS's own tour. Not only was this band thoroughly impressive for the unerringly professional way they played - I had almost forgotten what it was like to hear a band all start and stop at the same time, to all play loud or soft together at the same time, to play each and every song with precision and discipline, each and every show - they had also found a way to balance that precision with an equal amount of passion, and it made for a deadly combination.

Even better, it was clear that Alan was playing the role of "musical lieutenant" in this band, being the point man to whom the rest of the players looked for their cues for when and how to play, making it possible for Russell to turn his full concentration on his own front-man duties, and Alan played that role with a confident assurance and an unfailing poise that was a delight to watch. They even looked professionally cool, all in their suit jackets (well, most of them, anyway - there's always a rebel in the pack), and there was not a single moment when the focused attention of the band backing Russell was not solidly fixed on the music, except maybe when Elvis Costello joined them on stage. They did get a bit giddy then, but that seems excusable enough.

Of course, the irony of all this was that they were the ideal theatre-venue band, and they wound up playing quite a few of their gigs in pubs, with all the predictable results. But when they played the shows where the audience was seated and had come to listen to that beautifully-played music and enjoy the fascinating performance, it made for some of the best shows I have ever seen, shows that ran the gamut of emotional responses, from poignancy to hilarity and from impudence to tenderness, all of it underscored with that combination of musicial passion and precision. It also made for much hope that, along with that spiffy black jacket, Alan would also bring a good chunk of those performance ethics and standards back with him to this hemisphere to take with him on his next road trip.

But I also knew Alan would be bringing something else back with him from Australia: weariness from having just wound up one challenging tour, only to plunge straight into a second, still-more-gruelling run. His turnaround time was even more brutal than the upcoming tour schedule would be - after wrapping up an Australia Day (Jan 26th) show in Canberra with TOFOG, he would wind up in Ottawa on the 29th for a pre-tour corporate event, with the tour itself commencing in Brantford on the 31st. I'm not even going to try to guess how tired he was at the outset of this tour; all I know is that I was in a daze of my own in Brantford after following a similar but less-demanding route and schedule, starting this tour out with a weariness that would grow deeper and more insistently irrefuseable with time. I quite literally shuddered whenever I looked at the tour schedule, not for myself since I had no intention of making it to each show, but for him, knowing he had no choice in the matter. Sitting there in the Sanderson Centre before the first notes of the first show started up, I found myself hoping with all my heart that the Sean I had been seeing since the Winnipeg Junos would be the Sean who came along on this tour. Alan was going to need that Sean badly on the road ahead.


Now that I have (finally) gotten to the tour itself, a few caveats. I did not see every show on this tour (I skipped 15 of them, if my own count is correct, though I did hear the Lexington broadcast and will hear the Morgantown one as well), so there's no way for me to be making any overall blanket generalisations. For all I know, those 15 shows might have been the best (or the worst) shows of the entire tour in terms of individual and/or collective performances; it's not like you can tell very much from reading what's been written about most of those shows. All I can speak about is what I saw and heard, and even that is a bit different from how it's been in the past for one simple reason: I took no notes this tour, for the first time since before their Uprooted tour shows in 2002.

I stopped taking notes because I had been told this was a distraction for some, and even though it certainly was not my preferred way to experience these shows, it wound up having its own interesting results, with many moments from the shows blending together and shaping themselves into trends and patterns, as opposed to remaining discrete moments from a specific time and place. It felt a bit like the difference between a zoom lens and a wide-angle lens: what you lose in terms of some of the fine detail, you gain in terms of a breadth and depth of overall perspective.  And the individual moments that do stand out in your memory - such as those two times Alan sang Lucky Me as his solo encore (once at Chicago and once in Burlington), or the look of total adoration the Littlest Mermaid gave Sean in Windsor, as well as the sultry guitar-pounding and giddy hip-swinging dances during Jesse's Girl at venues across the continent, maybe most of all the sweet smiles of delight, relief, gratitude, and accomplishment...and then there was that heart-aching Clearest Indication trio encore at their anniversary show in Cleveland  - shine with a brightness that dazzles, sometimes almost painfully so. Those are the moments when it was my heart taking the notes, not my pen.

Much of the rest of it does resolve itself into those trends and patterns, and even when I am recalling a moment from a specific show, I am not going to spend much time listing and comparing individual shows. Some of these shows were truly superb, some were much more of a struggle; some of these shows featured tremendous individual performances, and some just the opposite. I know full well how many prefer to believe "their" show was at least as wonderful, if not more so, than anyone else's show, and I've no desire to rain on anyone's parade by saying otherwise. Besides, to go through shows one by one, or to pull up a host of specfic examples from individual shows, would make this even more prohibitively long than it is already going to wind up being. So, trends and patterns it is, as always with the biggest caveat of all: This is simply the opinion of one person.

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Technical Stuff - Maybe not the most likely place to start, but it's at least one of the few "acceptable" places to point out issues and problems, so maybe it will work as an "easing into" more dangerous waters.

Over the course of these shows, the sound was all over the place, and it seemed like an intense learning experience was taking place for how to mic a band that was switching mid-show from acoustic non-drum-kit instrumentation to electric-with-drums instrumentation, same with the notion of figuring out how to balance voices and instruments in venues whose splendid acoustics clearly (and sometimes ruthlessly) revealed all that was right and all that was wrong with that balance, especially after having done sound in so many venues where you have to fight the venue's poor acoustics to get the music heard properly. On occasion, especially in the early shows, the excellent acoustics were being fought, but those acoustics were winning the battle, with sometimes-unfortunate results. This was one of those "adjustment and growth over time" matters, as the sound gradually came around to working with the venue acoustics instead of against them, especially when it came to the stringed instruments (some of the most gorgeous-sounding bouzouki playing I have ever heard, anywhere at all), with the singular exception of Bob's banjo. All those shows and I don't think I ever heard that banjo hardly at all at any of them. There were all sorts of troubles with the voices being pushed up too much (I still feel awful for the one night I had to put my fingers in my ears when Sean was singing a lovely but godawfully loud General Taylor, but pain won out over propriety), though the balance of the vocal parts was usually good enough. All in all, it was a continuing process, and one in which steady progress was made over the course of what had to be a very challenging assignment for any sound men.

I wish I could say the same about the lights. For the longest time, I told myself that those glaring eye-level lights set up behind the band - the ones that periodically swing out and totally blind a large number of people in the front rows (bad enough that those who had been to prior shows went about kindly warning newbies to be sure to look away and this or that point in a song) - must be creating some grand effect up in the balcony that was so special it warranted making it so the people in the front can't see a bloody thing. Then I finally saw a show from up in the balcony. What those lights do is shine so brightly that instead of backlighting the men on stage, their glare is so intense that pretty much all you can see from up there is the glow of the lights, along with the cringing people in the front rows who are covering their eyes, while those on stage are in shadow instead of being backlit. Maybe the grand effect is for the people at the back of the main floor. Or maybe someone needs to scope out how those light effects actually affect different spots in the venues.

I am so biased against the fog machine that I'll try to let that one more or less pass by, except to say that when I am sitting in the fifth or sixth row at a show and I turn my head to look at the other audience members sitting directly across from me and I can barely seen them because they are enshrouded by billows of faux fog that have rolled off the stage...well, that might be an indication that the fog effect is a bit overdone. For some of the shows on this tour, it looked like they cut back on the use of the fog machine during the first set, which I thought was a very good call given their attempt to be as authentic as possible to the tradition from which the music came (though one could always argue that the fog was a re-creation of home), and at a few venues they didn't use it at all, though that might have been the venue's call instead of their own.

I think there is a time and a place for fog machines and light shows, especially when they're playing in large venues and the people up in the nosebleeds can only see tiny hair-flipping figures down on a distant stage - it makes sense at those kind of shows to give those people up in the nosebleeds all of the artistry and beauty that can be conjured up with that fog/light mixture. But these were intimate shows in small venues, with nary a bloody nose to be found. When the lighting effects were subtle - such as how Murray and Bob were lit during the Tishialuk Girls instrumental intro, with the rest of the stage in darkness, or how Sean was backlighted during Sweet Forget Me Not and Bob during Come And I Will Sing You - they were wonderfully effective. But when the lights reached for bigger and bolder effects, to me, they tended toward being...well, how about using the word "distracting" again?...in these intimate shows.


I'm going to include photography and video here, since it's a topic that's not going to fit much of anywhere else. The whole experience was rather inconsistent, to put it politely. My personal practice is always to bring my camera to shows (half the reason being I do not like leaving my camera in a car or a hotel room) and letting events decide my course of action. If a venue does not allow cameras, they are wlecome to check mine for me. If they allow cameras inside but say no photos are allowed, I wait and see what happens once the show begins, wait to see if others are taking photos and what happens to those others. Far be it from me to blaze any photographic trails; others are more than welcome to take the lead. This is the biggest reason why I have almost no photos of the two opening songs on this tour, Captain Kidd and Donkey Riding; at nearly every venue on this tour there were signs and warnings that no photography was permitted, yet once the show began, at most of the shows, hordes of people were merrily snapping away from the get-go, many using flash, even more from the very front rows.

At some shows, this would send the venue staff scurrying about, cautioning everyone against their photographic transgressions. On several occasions, I listened while fans argued with venue staff members, telling them that there was now an Official Tour Photo Album on the Great Big Sea web site and that "the band" had specifically asked for pictures to be taken at shows and submitted to that album.  Sometimes the staff prevailed, more often they did not. I''m not sure anyone present had a clear understanding of what we should or should not have been doing.

Then there is the matter of videos, especially digital-camera videos. For the longest time, it's been implicitly accepted among most GBS fans that any live-show video has been more or less verboten at their shows, more from a concern about capturing substandard audio than about preserving video imagery. Up until partway into this tour, I'd used my camera's video function exactly three times in a "GBS" context: I recorded the second time they performed River Driver live last summer at Fergus (would have recorded it the first time, but that was at the strictly no-cameras Wolf Trap venue), I recorded a snippet of Alan's sizzling WIAK lead solo at the Calgary Stampede show a few days later (that was simply for the pure, unadulterated pleasure of having it to replay whenever I wanted to see and hear it yet again), and I recorded Alan filming a music video with Russell's band in France later that same summer. I've never made the France video public, and only made the River Driver one public recently. Of course, I couldn't resist putting his lead solo up online right after recording it. I only have so much discipline.  Other than that, I'd stayed clear of videoing them at their shows.

But, again, inconsistency reigned on this tour. Despite all those "no recording devices" signs, there was no shortage of people openly videoing the shows, with the result being much the same as it was with the still photography - halfhearted venue opposition followed quickly by total capitulation in most instances. And despite it having been accepted for such a long time that "GBS hates being recorded," now suddenly there was a live-show video on their official site, made by none other than the site's admin, followed promptly (and not at all suprisingly) by message-board posts of more live-show video files. If people who go to shows are confused about what is or is not right to do in terms of photography and video/audio, then I find that confusion perfectly understandable. 


Set Lists - Though the first set stayed rather rigid throughout the duration of the tour (I think the only variations I ever saw in this set were an all-too-seldom substitution of Jolly Rovin' Tar for Gideon Brown and the sadly short-lived every-other-show-a-different-horse-through-the-ice early-tour switching back and forth from Charlie Horse one night to Tickle Cove Pond the next night), there was more variety to be found from show to show in the second, "The Hits," set, especially during the earlier shows on the tour, which was when such songs as Something Beautiful (also done in Nashville, an excellent call), Penelope, and Turn were heard by those lucky enough to be at those early shows. It was an effective set, especially after they did a bit of shuffling of song order and got the compelling River Driver in an optimum spot, even more so with the way it ended with such punch with those "two songs about boats," Old Polina and Lukey, which served not only to cap off that first set with a bang, but also to lead well into the higher energy of the set to come. The only song that tended to fall a little flat on some nights was Scolding Wife, and was that mostly because a few of them look and sound a bit tired of doing that one (not Murray - he gets better every show with his sole vocal-limelight moment). I found myself wishing several shows that it would be Scolding that was substituted for with Tickle Cove, hoping the show would follow in the rare and wonderful footsteps of the CD in featuring two songs about horses falling t'rough the ice.

The other major "substitution spots" were the second-set alternate opening choices of WIAK/When I'm Up/Paddy Murphy/Beat The Drum or Shines Right Through/When I'm Up/Paddy Murphy/WIAK, and also the rotating "Sean Spot," where either Turn, John Barbour, or (most often by far) General Taylor were performed. In Seattle, an insistent and well-harmonising crowd sang Sean into adding General Taylor, regardless of what the set list said. There were also nights when the living-room version of Sea Of No Cares gave way to the radio/CD version. The most significant set-list change of all was that splendid shift from the expected frenzy of Old Black Rum as the show closer in the early going to the quiet awe of Old Brown's Daughter for most of the rest of the way. Other than that major change, the encores did not vary much, but when they did, that variance was powerful: those two wonderful Lucky Me's, the poignant anniversary Clearest, and that gorgeous Original Three version of Boston & St. John's in Somerville.

There were a whole host of momentary wanders from - or additions to - the set list, all of them delightful, including Sean's Danny Boy and his Hangin' Johnny, as well as his Banana Boat renditions, along with Alan's killer turns as Freddie Mercury and his showing a hot hand with a bit of ACDC guitar glory, even singing some classic (and suitably titled) Roger Miller. Then there was that shining moment of all-band Abba, even brief flings with Farewell To Nova Scotia and Doo Wah Diddy. The pre-Run, Runaway singalongs varied by night and mood, with Alan's Phantom, at its most impressive when Bob played along and added that mournful fiddle part to Alan's stirring (and sensuously sliding) guitar work, perhaps the one that went the best with all of those classy "the-ah-tre" surroundings, though not much could top the pounding and posturing that Alan and Sean did on Jesse's Girl and Sweet Dreams, at least as far as I'm concerned.

Overall, it seemed an extremely successful blend of sets and songs, planned and impromptu alike, a blend that matched what many in the audience wanted, but still challenged them just enough to encourage them to broaden their horizons and expand their notions of what to expect at a Great Big Sea show.  One of the greatest accomplishments each night took place during the fourth song when, after sharing in all the energy and enthusiasm of Captain Kidd, Donkey Riding, and Jack Hinks, nearly every audience found itself capable of settling down and listening raptly to Sean's wisfully tender Sweet Forget Me Not. After having seen Sean's quieter songs be treated with a careless and sometimes boorish lack of consideration by so many crowds at so many other shows, the attention that was consistently paid to him for this song, as well as the warmth of the response he received at song's end, felt like something important and lasting might be being accomplished in the shows of this tour.  Their whole first set came across as far more balanced in terms of mixing tempos than has ever been the case with GBS shows, or at least those shows I've seen, and nearly all of those crowds (yes, there were notable exceptions) followed their lead willingly from the buoyant to the gentle to the stirring to the exhilarating; again, it felt like new possibilities might be opening up right before our eyes and ears.

The sole complaint I'd make about their second set is that I thought it contained too many cover songs and too many carryover trad songs, though when you call a set "The Hits," it is very difficult not to include Paddy Murphy and Mari Mac or When I'm Up and Run, Runaway in that set. I still wish they would give their own originals more of the spotlight they deserve and would have been very happy to see the likes of Clearest Indication, Something Beautiful, Let It Go, Love, Stumbling In, Own True Way, Boston, Goin' Up, and Feel It Turn in regular rotation with their other originals as a direct counterpoint to the first-set trad songs and a showcase of their versatility. But I suspect at least part of the choice of which songs wound up in that second set was based on familiarity of playing, since there was so much new material being performed in the first set, and even some of the familiar songs were their own challenge from the instrumental rearrangements and tempo adjustments.

The rest of that choice was likely based on giving the audience what they most wanted, something at which they succeeded quite well at nearly every show, still managing to show considerable artistic versatility in a set that began with the electrified explosion of either Shines or WIAK and eventually would find its end in those gorgeous a cappella OBDs. That versatility is even more impressive when the range of songs, styles, genres, instrumentation, vocals, modes and moods over the course of the entire show is taken into consideration; to be able to sweep audience after audience along with them on that mercurial musical excursion might be the greatest single accomplishment of the entire tour.


One last, semi-related note here about the live-show arrangements: They really were almost uniformly wonderful, and all due praise to whoever is responsible for them. On the long ride back home, I decided to listen to the TH&TE CD for the first time since well before this tour began, and I was struck by how good the live arrangements were in comparison, even as they differed substantially from some of the CD's arrangements. I remember thinking at the tour's outset that they were going to have a difficult time playing live without the support they had on the CD from such stellar musicians as Fergus O'Byrne and without being able to reproduce in a live show the effects of muti-tracking both the instrumentals and the vocals, but they made some excellent adjustments. I preferred the live-version arrangements over the CD versions for several songs, especially Come And I Will Sing You (quite the challenge to make what is essentially the 12 Frigging Days Of Christmas into a live song that holds your interest musically, but they pulled it off) and the harmonies on River Driver. Using the bass fiddle on so many of those drumless first-set songs was a brilliant stategy, and subbing the bass fiddle solo and the accordion/whistle duet for the CD's harmonica solo part in Sweet Forget Me Not was pure genius too.


The Audience - For those just wandering in, I covered this one halfway well in a prior post, so scroll down a bit if you're a real glutton for wordy punishment. There's just one thing I'd like to add to what I wrote before: I really missed the Newfoundlanders this time around. It took me a few shows to figure out where they'd gotten off to and to find them, but once I did (much farther back in most the venues, often up in the balconies), it all made sense. Most of the front rows at these shows were under the control of the GBS official site Best Seats presale program. With some notable exceptions, most of the displaced Newfoundlanders who might wind up at shows aren't all that actively involved in online GBS fan sites, and others told me they lacked the funds to buy so far in advance for up-close show tickets. Still others wanted no part of buying tickets "you know not where". Of all the "regular types" you might run across at GA GBS shows, it was those displaced Newfoundlanders I wound up missing the most by far.


The Performances - I'm not sure if I've been saving the best for last or putting it off as long as possible, maybe a bit of both. Over the course of a long, gruelling tour, it's reasonable to expect that there would be a range of performances from each band member, with some nights being better than others, and some nights being worse. This is how things work with flesh-and-blood human beings, as opposed to fictional creations. Sounds simple and reasonable, for sure, but for some reason it's not the way GBS performances are usually described, so much so that I am really having a hard time trying to break that pattern and be a bit more honest than in the past. It feels like there are sharks in the surrounding waters, and that nearby island over there looks to be populated with sacred cows and ruled by an Emperor badly in need of some new threads. But I keep hearing what someone I respect very much said to me not long ago: "If everyone thinks your performance is great even when it's shitty, then how do you ever get to feel the way you should when that performance really is great?" That struck a nerve with me, a nerve immediately adjacent to the "same review for the past year and a half" nerve.

Lucky me that it is so rarely a matter of an outright shitty performance with these players and so often a matter of a great one.  Less-lucky me that there is that troubling issue of consistency with which to deal, and for this tour, that trouble showed up in the least likely of places. For the past few years, actually for all the time I've known about GBS, it has been Sean who's been the poster child for inconstancy on stage, sometimes being an impudent ray of devilish sunshine, more often being a morose little thundercloud raining profusely on his own parade. But even during his extended Am I Blue period, there were two things you could always count on: Whatever mood he came out with would be the mood of the evening (consistency in inconsistency - so many times I've seen Alan test the waters of McCann early in a show to see if Sean would be coming out to play on this evening, and when the answer was a pensive stare that shouted its own silent but emphatic "No," Alan would simply make the adjustment and move along with the show); and, most important, no matter how miserable his mood might be, Sean would play and sing his parts with his usual competence, even if he was having no part of sharing the crowd-interaction/witty repartee job with Alan on that night.

It was Sean's history of consistency in inconsistency that had me so worried as I sat there waiting for the first show of this brutal tour to begin; even though all that I'd seen ofSean had been quite cheerfully the opposite during the preceding year, that had still been a year of few-and-far-between shows and now there was this bitch of a tour run ahead for them all, with Alan starting out on that run already tired. There was no way Alan was going to make it to the end of this race - even just in terms of the pure pragmatics of keeping his pipes intact - if he was going to wind up shouldering the lion's share of the front-man duties. This one was going to have to be shared by Alan and Sean, shared each and every night, not shared only when Sean felt in the mood to play along but also on the nights when he was tired and bored and it was the last frigging thing in the world he felt like doing. If Sean was going to do all that, be that committed and that disciplined over the course of an entire tour, it was going to be the first time I'd ever seen it.

In the midst of all this worry about Sean, it never really occurred to me to worry about how Bob would do. On past tours, Bob had been Sean's mirror image when it came to consistency, his opposite in all things, putting on the same performance, wearing the same performance face, show after show after show. If Sean had been the poster child for inconstancy, then Bob could have been the same for immutability.

It just goes to show that no matter how many shows a person has seen, there is always ample room for the unexpected when it comes to live performance.

How it wound up turning out was far from what I'd expected or feared. From the first moment when he walked out on stage in Brantford to his last bows in Mississauga, the Sean I saw was the single most consistent player on those stages, though the initial bounce in his step did get slowly and inexorably worn down by that killer schedule. Still, he kept his cheerful face on for the duration, even if he did grow more serious as the miles ground implacably on; he never missed or shirked a cue for a song intro or a segue, he took part in the banter routines every single night, and he added some priceless jewels of his own on more than a few nights (my personal favourite was "Smitten College"). On one occasion or another, he made everyone else on stage laugh, often at times when a laugh was most needed, no one more often than Alan, who probably needed that laughter more often than anyone else.  Murray and Kris also provided solid and consistent support - Kris (the true multi-instrumentalist of GBS, to my way of thinking) focusing most of his energies on keeping up the spirits of his fellow band mates and Murray reaching out a bit more to interacting with the crowd (as well as having his first "lead solo" on the big instrument) - but it was Sean who was the most steadfast of all, and there was most certainly a time when I would have sworn I'd have never typed those words. Last  but not least, his Sweet Forget Me Not and Mermaid performances provided some of the best moments of the entire tour.

Bob's road was rougher, particularly during the first two legs of the tour. His performances varied greatly, some nights excellent, some nights rocky at best, even more nights a disconcerting combination of both, veering back and forth between extremes, with his frame of mind seemingly as changeable as was his performance; he would go from glaring and glowering out into the crowd to hanging about at the back of the stage with an acerbic and disdainful air about him to stepping up with the megawatt stage grin when it came time for "his" songs and solos (which were almost always done very well, especially that whistle part in Tishialuk Girls and his Jack Hinks and Billy Peddle accordion parts) to retreating back with what looked for the world like a "I'd so much rather be other places than this" expression - all in one show. It was, to use that word again, positively distracting.  But, of course, when those shows wound up being written about, all that usually got said was, "Bob smiled!" leaving me wondering on occasion if perhaps I had attended some alternate-universe show.

I'm not even going to begin to hazard a guess as to what the trouble might have been - except maybe to note that in addition to it being such a demanding schedule there was also a large amount of new material being played on this tour, along with those new arrangements of the older tunes, and that might have been the cause a good deal of stress - instead, I'll say simply that it did get better as the tour progressed, and that the shows where Bob's performance level was up to where it has customarily been in the past were some of the best shows of the entire tour. And before the usual subjects begin looking around for appropriately sized rocks and gathering up kindling for the fire, I'll take this opportunity to re-state that "This is simply the opinion of one person" notion I already said way back when.

I've saved Alan for last, as always. I could describe Alan's tour performance in one sentence - He was not the Great Big Sea Guy, hallelujah and amen - but that kind of succinctness would be unforgiveably out of character for me and would cheat so many out of their easy path to dismissal of what is said. It also would be so much less pleasurable that it is going to be to elaborate on that one sentence.

One persistent criticism that some have made of Alan's performances is that he shows too much need for approval from any and all elements within his audiences, that he can at times be somewhat obsequious in seeking approval and affirmation from even the most obnoxious and demanding of those elements, giving them whatever it is they are expecting from him at the moment, which is most often that he play the part of the simple-minded, perpetually cheerful "fountain of affection" whose fondest and dearest wish, perhaps even his sole and singular purpose, is to expend all of his energies toward making those obnoxious and demanding elements feel happy.  While I can see where that criticism comes from, I've seen that same tendency of his more as part and parcel of the drive and desire that make him the incomparable performer he is, though I will admit there have been those times when I've thought that if he did not find a better way to harness and direct that drive and desire, he could be running the risk of being metaphorically eaten alive by the rapacious appetites of the insatiably needy.

I thought about this same matter while watching the shows in Australia, seeing how Russell handled himself with those same demanding-element types. If ever there were a man not destined to wind up on a predator's lunch menu, Russell Crowe is that man.  And if I had started out seeing the shows on that tour hoping that Alan would learn a thing or two or three from Russell in that regard, it didn't take long at all to notice that Alan, intelligent and insightful fellow that he is, was already a dozen or so steps ahead of my wishful thinking. The TOFOG member named Alan Doyle was like and yet unlike that fellow I'd been seeing around and about on a multitude of stages for the past few years, still possessing all the familiar passion and energy, even smiling the same endearing smiles and sputtering the same pissy petulance, but now he was also a man with an air about him that was simultaneously self-aware, self-assured, and self-accepting - now there was an attitude of quiet authority that said calmly "This is who I am, accept me as I am or not, as you choose" - something I'd only seen tantalizingly brief glimpses of in the past. It was an attitude that played perfectly in support of Russell, as well as to those free-spirited Aussie crowds, and it left me in awe of him, even in his supporing-player role, and feeling a deeper awe still at the realisation of all that he could accomplish by being that same man on home stages.

Over the course of the shows I saw on the TH&TE tour, from my vantage point, I saw Alan make significant strides toward re-defining his role as GBS's front man, and time and time again at these shows I saw that same man I first saw in that other hemisphere. He was always a welcome sight, and it was his sure and resolute hand that played a huge role in persuading so many of those crowds to follow along on those mercurial musical excursions. He was the one who found the way to bridge the gap and strike the balance between the passive, attentive crowd and the active, involved crowd, and he did it by binding those crowds to him at the outset of each show, challenging them with their own responsibility for making this show be as wonderful as all those who wished they could be there might imagine it would be, a far different tactic than if he had tried to beguile or charm them into compliance with his wishes. When fools threatened to win the day, he squelched them with a wickedly cutting wit (such as his "photo opportunity" in Sydney, and his "then why don't you tell the children about Santa Claus" in Somerville and his discourses on not shouting out too soon in numerous cities) rather than placate them. It was because of all that he had done to establish his unquestioned authority during the course of these shows that made it possible for him to hush the restless and the unruly - to silence the usually unstoppable cries for Old Black Rum - with no more than a wave of his hand during those breathtaking a cappella Old Brown's Daughter renditions at the end of so many shows.

Instead of playing the one-note role of the Happy Idiot, Alan was relentlessly three-dimensional in these shows, sometimes sweet and silly, sometimes sincere and serious, and on occasion prickly and possessing a pointedly sharp edge.  Few regular routines in these shows were as fascinating as were his "What do bands that don't have Bob do, anyway?" routine. For each and every person who took these comments as innocent and genuine praise of his band mate, all I can say is that you are all most entitled to your own interpretation of Alan's intent. But after hearing Alan go on and on at multiple shows about how being Bob-less must necessarily mean that the likes of the Beatles, U2, Pink Floyd, ColdPlay, and Led Zeppelin would have to suck, "innocent" and "praise" aren't the first words that  come to my mind. I learned fairly quickly that when a Newfoundlander is effusively praising someone else, chances are excellent that what's really taking place isn't praise at all (the single greatest bit of praise ever given to me by any Newfoundlander may have been when one fellow on a bus said, in the quietest and most casual of tones, "You should listen to her...she's some smart," to his buddy, with whom I'd been engaged in a lively debate). The more effusive the speaker becomes, the less that praise likelihood becomes. For all of the laughter they caused - and there were those shows where that laughter took on a decidedly uncomfortable edge - I saw those routines as a classic example of "light-hearted on the surface as the knife-edge slides in deep down below" Newfoundland-style humour, with the thrust of that jagged-edge humour focused squarely on a rather touchy subject.

There was a time not long ago when it would have been very unlikely for Alan to stand up on stage and wield quite so keen a blade of humour. Here's hoping that time is permanently over and done with; I'd choose that three-dimensional man over all other options each and every day, despite the risk of getting cut to the bone on one of those sharp edges.  Along with the sheer stubborness of his determination to keep on going no matter how weary he became, it was his insistence on continuing to be that three-dimensional man - on having the courage to leave it up to others to decide whether or not to accept that three-dimensional man - while resisting (a few times just barely) the temptation to fall back into old patterns that impressed me the most of all the good things he accomplished on this tour.

Musically, he played the cleanest I've ever seen him play with GBS at most of the shows, without sacrificing any of his usual pounding passion in the achieving of that precision; he played the way I'd seen him play in Australia. Maybe those shows were a big influence in how well he played on this tour (his bouzouki work was especially excellent, as was his electric-guitar playing, though he held back way too much on the latter for my tastes, or for what the songs needed), and maybe there was also the sobering effect of less pre-gig "celebration" this time around for many of the shows. When I'd first seen that tour schedule back in the fall, my initial thought had been that he'd never be able to keep his voice, not with runs of six and seven consecutive shows in a row (and back then there was no way of knowing about add-ons such as corporate gigs and those promo kitchen parties), but he (and Sean) managed it somehow, though a few times his pipes threatened to rebel on one or two of those River Drivers.

But he got through it, as did they all, with determination and a resolve to make this tour into that most successful of all their tours thus far. Maybe the most compelling image for how this tour ended, the companion image for the one I began this with, would be this one:

Victoriaobd1 

I wound up with quite the collection of Old Brown's Daughter shots, but of all of them, it's this one I like the best, partly because it shows all five of them standing side by side and shoulder to shoulder as equals, each man carrying his part and doing his share, and partly because this one was taken the day after the bus accident, and it brings back that feeling of breathless relief, theirs as well as ours, that at the end of this day, as well as at the end of this tour, they really were alright.

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It's next to impossible (at least for me) not to be curious about what the future might hold, and also to wonder if some of what I'd consider genuine breakthroughs on this tour - seeing Sean step forward and become the performer he's always been capable of being, Alan's own version of coming into his full potential, watching both those on stage and those off stage learning that there is indeed a way to pay attention to a show as well as to participate in that show, discovering that it is possible for a GBS live show to encompass a full range of musical tempos and emotional responses, as well as a full range of genres and instrumentation - will lead to changes in how shows are performed and perceived during whatever future tours might take place, with whatever lineups might be taking those shows out on the road and playing whatever style or styles of music they choose to play. It was a tour with no shortage of successes, along with its fair share of struggles, and it was also a tour that's left me with my own set of questions.

I said earlier that the way they swept their audiences along through each change of genre and style, mood and mode, might have been the single greatest accomplishment of this tour, but if that were the case, it would be followed close behind by that other great accomplishment, the one Alan alluded to time and time again, in cities scattered all across the continent: How strange and wonderful it was to be standing on stages in Tucson or Charlotte or Atlanta or Victoria singing the songs that were the expression of the hearts and souls of folks from such places as Tickle Cove and Petty Harbour and Fogo Island, the songs they themselves had grown up singing, how special it was to be sharing such an important part of their own home when they were so far away from that home and to see how the people in those faraway places were accepting those songs with such obvious pleasure and delight. Forging those kinds of connections across time and distance is an amazing legacy for any artists, and quite the testimony to the power of their music.

Whatever the future may hold - as scary and uncertain as the unknown can sometimes seem - and however things wind up working out, my money is on the end result one way or another being more of the kind of music that has this power to reach out and connect with others and to be such a source of pride and pleasure, not at all a risky bet when you have faith in the men who have created that music before. In the midst of all change and growth, any permutations or adaptations, that music is most likely to remain the one constant.  And, to pilfer yet another phrase from a writer who's got all my admiration, that's good enough for me.   

13 May 2006

"Looking For A Place To Land"

One of the most intriguing moments of this entire past tour happened on the day I left Winnipeg for the long ride west. I was in the Portage Place mall, whiling away the hours before my evening bus, sitting where I could watch the sky since there was a glorious Canadian-prairie spring thunderstorm huffing and puffing away outside. I was eating a Mango ice cream cone, one of the two ice cream flavours (the other was passionfruit) I had lived on while in the Australian summer a few months back. I was thinking about when would be the best time of year to come back to Newfoundland to go hike Gros Morne and visit the sites of resettled villages.

Suddenly, without warning, all of the memories came together at once in a rush - Winnipeg, Australia, Newfoundland, along with all of the other cities I had just travelled in and out of, all of the memories of the places and the people, as well as of all the music, crashing together like the winter sea against the crumbling rocks, six months and God only knows how many miles all in one instant of time, memories so powerful and so insistent that for the space of a few pounding heartbeats it felt like being in all of those places again at the same time, leaving me dizzy and a little breathless with the intensity and complexity of it all. 

Then the tide went back out again, and it was here and it was now. It was a stormy spring day in Winnipeg, and it was time to catch the bus back to Seattle.


It's taken me a bit to get back here to writing, mostly because I've been trying to get back in step with the pace of life on the home front. I used to wonder what it would be like to travel for long periods of time - I wondered about it when my dad did it, when my husband did it, and even when I first saw an archive of the kind of tour schedule GBS has followed over the years - not only what the being away would be like, but also how the coming home part of it would feel.

Now I know a little bit about how it is...it's good, but odd too. You come back to the place that is the most familiar of all places, the place where you are the most familiar to those who are there, and it both is and isn't the same as what you remember, just as you both are and are not the same. So much is the way that it was before - the way it is "supposed" to be, to your own thinking - but there are a host of subtle little changes that have taken place over the normal daily course of living during all those days you were not there, all of those little changes adding up to make that most familiar of places a bit disconcertingly unfamiliar at times, kind of like you are still singing the same song as ever, but someone came along and changed the harmony parts or re-arranged the instrumentals just enough to catch you off guard and make you stumble a little trying to get back in tune.

Thomas Wolfe said "You can't go home again" (another compelling-memory moment...I can vivdly recall standing at the Thomas Wolfe Memorial on a cloudy, windy Asheville, North Carolina, spring day, when I was there for the Grey Eagle Tavern show in 2003), but I do not agree; I think you can go home again, you just cannot expect that home will not have changed equally as much as you have.

But there are those things which (God bless them) never change. One of those constants for me is Jesse, the sulky, pissy wuss-cat who owns my heart, and knows that fact fully well. When I first came in the door the other night, Jesse threw his customary disdain to the winds and was all over me, rubbing, drooling, rolling over on his big fat back....then, after about 10 minutes of this uncharacteristic behaviour, he remembered who he is. Suddenly, his attitude changed, and it became more of a matter of "So what is your excuse for having been gone for so long?"

Andwherehaveyoubeen

I told him my story, but he was in no frame of mind to buy it.

Notbuyingthestory

Then he decided to give me a piece of his mind.

Jessespeakshismind

But love and patience will win in the end, and my persistence had begun to persuade him that I was still, and always will be, Jesse's girl.

Almostwonover

Nothing like sleeping together to set things right. Not the best of final photos, but it is not easy to take a picture when you have about 20 pounds of furry hindquarters sprawled across your lap.

Jessesgirlagain


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I really do intend to write more about the past shows, especially in terms of how I thought the individual performances were, and now that I am beginning to feel a bit more at home at home, it shouldn't take me too long to get that done, especially since I've finally decided for sure to actually do it. I waffled most of the way home about it, not being able to decide how honest to be or how much to say, and I was almost to the point of not writing about any of it at all. Then on a